Merry Christmas

It dawned on me this morning that it was last Christmas when I started this blog. It’s hard to believe what I’ve been through over this last year. And sometimes, it’s even harder to believe what is coming for this next year.

I can’t lie and say that life is all hunky dory. It’s not. I’m tired really. Worn out and overwhelm by what has come my way. But it is Christmas, and no matter how tired I am, excitement is bubbling inside of me and spilling out all the time.

I’m just so blessed. There are more presents than I could ever have imagined at my second family’s house. People have been more than generous. I got to spend a weekend with my family. I wish it was more, WAY more, but at least I got that much. I have friends who care, really care for me. I have the best roommate ever. Like I said: so blessed.

And to give more news—I’m headed back to Asia. In three weeks. Once again it’s like time is repeating it’s self, this time last year I was preparing for Nepal. Today I prepare for Taiwan. Three weeks! I’m more than excited, (and overwhelmed) and I’m more than sure that God’s blessing is upon this!

But right now, in the midst of my overwhelm, I’m quietly celebrating my Jesus choosing to come to earth and become a man, so I (Me!) could be saved. I’m my normal quirky self when I do this: I read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, then the Christmas story, then sing a little, then drink chai. Because He loves me.

"For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, Who is Christ the LORD."

Merry Christmas Friends

I Will Never Be the Same.

I’ve always liked to think of myself as an adventure seeker. In some ways what I think of myself is true. I love to travel; I love running into the unknown facing each day, especially if I’m overseas, with a zest for life.

But there is another side of me.

It’s the side of me that needs a home, a place I’ll always know I’m loved and accepted. By having a home, a haven, I’m given the freedom to find the adventure I long for.

I’ve always had that refuge. Until November 29, 2010.

My home was taken away. Not by a person, not by a mistake, not even by failure. It was taken away by life. Life refined me, a girl who was getting settled after my last move, finally seeing the new place as her refuge and home, with fire. The house of wonderful family who took me in burned down.

And e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. the family owned was lost. Suddenly, I didn’t have a home anymore. Yes, I lived in the guesthouse, and only lost a few things—But my home was gone.

And this is where the story really begins.

It’s a story that I hope to write in entirety someday, but right now all I can seem to say is: My God is so good. His love is deeper than the depths of the sea; He has given back ten-fold more than was taken away. His heart is so for me and my second family that He has brought together His Kingdom just to overwhelm us.

I know it’s only been three weeks, but it feels like three years.

I'm sorry to leave you, my blog friends, hanging. By not posting and by not being able to finish this story. I long to, really I do. But for now, thank you for your prayers. We still need them. [and for me I'll never stop needing them :)]

Jesus is holding us close to His heart. And we are healing from life's circumstances. We will never be the same again.

Much Love,

Alana

twenty-five

This is probably not my parent's favorite picture of themselves... but I love it. Because it shows how fun and cool they are. I'm just saying... my parents are the coolest parents in the world. Hands down folks.

There are two people in this world who love me more than anyone else.

My parents.

Today, is their twenty-fifth anniversary. That is a beautiful thing. Just the thought of two people loving each other for that long.. is far past amazing.

I couldn't be more grateful for the parents God has given me. Sometimes I'm amazed at how many places I've seen differences in other parents, and been grateful for the way my parents raised me.

I've learned more from them than anyone in the world. I learned how to ride a bike, how to shoot a gun, how to show a sheep, how to drive a tractor...just how to drive. They spent weeks (literally) driving me to music lessons, and even more time reminding me to practice.

My parents showed me how to love Jesus, they taught me what it means to be open, they showed me the path of righteousness. My parents made me into an opportunity taker, they led me to be a woman of faith.

I am who I am because of my parents. And I know they are proud of me.

Daddy, Momma, I love you. And I want the whole world to know it. God in His grace gave me to you, and you to me, I could never repay you for the love you have poured over me all my life. Thank you. For loving God, for loving each other. Thank you for showing me what kind of a parent I wish to be, and for letting God take care of me and lead me where He wants me to go.

You are indeed the best.

All my love,

Alana

Today I'm Feeling...

Unable to Focus.

"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly"

I don't know where I'm going right now. I can't see what lies ahead. But I'm giving in. I'm letting go, trusting in the One who sees all things to take care of me.

When I think of Heaven

I'm coming off of one of those days, the kind that you just wonder why you're depressed. Because life is good. Because life is beautiful. Because your God is good, He's with you and His love is always pouring over you. But still, Satan attacks and you're depressed.

I don't know why today was like that. So tonight I think of Heaven.

I long for the day that life will always be good, beautiful, God will be before my eyes and Satan will be defeated.

When I think of heaven I think of my Granddad, how he is rejoicing before the throne of God. I think of how much he taught me about Jesus, and his love. I think of how bold he was, and how much I wish to smile as much as he did.

I think of Veria, and her zest for life. I think of how she is probably sitting on Jesus knee telling Him to make sure her little sister has a best friend and her brothers are safe. I think of how she is bowing before the King of kings telling Him how grateful she is that He gave her eternal life.

Heaven makes me think of my cousin Emma. I think of how much I want her to be healed, and how unfair it is that she can't be perfect until heaven. I think of the prayers that still go up for her before the throne. I think of holding her hand and telling her I love her. I think of how precious she is to my Father and how His love is so deep for her He allowed her to go through this pain.

I think of my friend Jeff. I think of how when I get to heaven all of my friendships will be like the one I have with him. Cultural difference will vanish and the Kingdom will be all that is before our eyes. I think of how great it is talking to him, how amazing it is to be equal. I think of running around in the rain and trying on hats as brother and sister not worrying because all that offends has really and truly disappeared. That will make heaven really great.

I think of worshiping with Steven, and talking with Nick. I think of dancing with my family and my Grandpa being able to run. I think of Priscilla's back not hurting and being able to eat dairy again. I think of my grandparent's prayers coming true and Ryan being better. I think of my desire to see all 1800 of my students again, even Gary. I think of my siblings and I being every bit of the rascals n such we are and making people laugh. I think of seeing all my friends from around the world I probably will never see again on this earth. I think of how much I want them in heaven with me.

But mostly I think of seeing clearly, of being hugged by my Jesus and never tiring of sitting at His feet. I think of not crying, even as I cry right now. I think of what Kennan said: How heaven will be better than I could ever think.

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

1 Corinthians 13:12

Photo Credit: Nepal Mission Team 2010 and Austin Hanes

The Reality of My World

It's true, when we are young, the world can't hurt us. Because the world consists of red wagons, slides, kittens, toy trucks and our parents loving arms. But then we grow up. I hate it really. I hate the fact that growing up had to happen. The sad part isn't that the world can now hurt us, but that often our world doesn't grow.

Instead of red wagons there are fast cars, instead of slides there is fast paced job. Instead of loving and protecting arms, there is a void to be filled by whatever satisfies the moment. Each world usually doesn't grow up with the body, it just becomes square instead of rectangle.

The saddest thing I've heard all week is this: Nothing happens, life just goes on. I cried when I heard it. How could someone I love actually have this perspective their story, their life? How could life be reduced to "just going on?" I simply couldn't understand a world so small.

But it made me stop; it made me think about my world. To me, my world is bigger than most. It is very safe to say that is pride talking. I love everything about cross culture, I love defying differences, I love tearing down walls with the Kingdom of Heaven as my alliance. Yet, compared to my God's world, I know nothing, my world is tiny.

Sometimes it requires me crying for someone else to see how much I need to cry for myself. Sometimes it takes a close friend choosing to let their story lose wonder for me to see my story is also fading. Sometimes it takes a jolt of reality to know remember I was not called to judge, but to love.

Tonight, as I write this, I realize my story isn't going to be worth reading if I don't let my world grow. More importantly, my story isn't worth anything unless Jesus Christ is the author. So I cheer on those who are letting Jesus author their stories, and I send out a plea to the rest of us: Wouldn't it be amazing if life couldn't be reduced to "just going on" simply by us letting go and trusting the Creator of the Universe to "grow up" our worlds?

Living He Loved Me

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

I've been thinking about two things today: Newness and Mud. And this is what came to my heart. So when my over thinking self comes to a conclusion, maybe I'll know how those two things connect and how this beautiful song fits with it all.

New

This is what unpacking looks like. But I'm proud to report that I am making a dent in it.

It's kinda crazy how hard it is for me to deal with "new." As much as I love new, countries, places, people, adventures, opportunities (I bet you get the point) I'm shy.

Yep. I'm shy. Right now I'm sitting in my room writing a long overdue blog update instead of meeting new people.

Now don't get me wrong, it's great to know all of you are reading my blog, and it's cool to be part of your lives.. or more you a part of mine. But that is really no reason to not meet new people and enjoy new lives.

And it's just because I'm scared. I'm not as "go-getter" as some people think, and for sure, if you think I'm brave, rethink. I'm not.

But the reason that I bring this all up isn't to down grade myself. I will get courage soon and I will go talk to those people. But because I wanted to point out something about love.

I've read, reread, and then read again 2 Corinthians 4-6. I just couldn't find what I knew my heart was looking for. I just couldn't figure out what I was to learn. Then something stood out to me: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (4:18)

The reason I am who I am, a girl who travels to random countries, many times by herself...a photojournalist who asks lots of questions...a connector who longs to see other's visions of advancing the Kingdom of Heaven come to light... is not because I'm a "go-getter."

It's because long ago, my parents introduced me to Love: Jesus. They showed me that loving those who Jesus died for was more important than anything. Doing that--loving--is fixing my eyes on what is unseen.

No matter where you are, no matter your personality, people are what will last forever. So in the midst of my "new" the call is the same. Letting love overcome. These people are worth getting to know. And you never know, maybe someday I'll get to write their stories. Now that would be pretty darn amazing.

ana|senior

Over the last year of living back in the States, I’ve been given many gifts. One of the greatest has been getting to know Ana.

Ana works at the same coffee shop as I do, she’s funny, smart, full of life.

Friday, I was able to take Ana’s senior pictures. I’m truly amazed at the striking beauty that radiates from her. We had so much fun doing this last minuet shoot before I move and I’m oh so happy we were able to!

We took off after I closed up shop and headed off to find some old buildings and open fields. We did a pretty good job, especially since we've both lived here our whole lives. We should do a good job.

There is no doubt that she is one of the main things I will miss about my life the last year.

I look forward to seeing you at Christmas pretty girl!

[this is my adventure]

This is my adventure

Which I haven't found yet

The feeling of a feeling

That I have still yet to get

Glow on the horizon

Before I see the sun

A subtle hint of springtime

Before the winters gone

This is the quiet moment

Before I catch my breath

The hope for something better

That I don't quite forget

This is my adventure

Which I haven't found yet

I remember the first time I read that. It made me wonder. Now, almost 2 years later it still does.

I am starting out on a new adventure. I'm beginning a new season.

It's coming in one week.

I'm moving. To "the city," starting a new job, looking for a new church, and living in a different way. I'm moving on to the something else God has for me.

But I can't lie. I'm scared. Yet excited at the same time. Change is beautiful, but hard. I will miss my family, I will miss my costumers at work. I'll miss seeing stars at night. But this adventure, the one that is coming, the one I haven't lived yet, is what I long for. It's beautiful.

God has opened doors, He has made plans, He has set it all into motion. I'm never going to stop being amazed at all He does.

My Life as a Criminal

I’m laughing. Really. So everyone, laugh.

It cracks me up how small my town is. Everyone knows everyone. Well, at least everyone knows either my dad or my grandparents. Occasionally it’s my mom who’s at fault, but normally it’s the other three. And that is where my story begins.

I was driving home on Labor Day (bad idea I know.) from a wonderful weekend with my cousin Skylar. Just that morning, we had gone to Hobby Lobby and talked about how horrible it would be to speed on Labor Day and get caught. Pretty much can’t do any talking to get out of that. And thus, with this in the back of my mind I started home. It was a four-hour drive. Not bad really, but we had had a great weekend, and being thoroughly sunburned I was pretty tired.

Just for the record, I wasn’t speeding people. Not all the way home. I mean, I do speed sometimes, you know rarely. But I do ok at following the law. So here is my case: I was tired. I was sunburned. And I just wasn’t paying attention. No reason for a ticket right?? Well I guess the officer didn’t agree. And well as Sky and I decided earlier, I got “it” stuck to me.

I was mad. I didn't yell and get dramatic but I was mad. And I informed my dad that if he was going to raise me like him, I was going to get in trouble, and I was not going to be happy with him.

Well to make a long story short, my parents left town. Just up and left, and I had this great horrible thing of having to pay a great amount of money for my great crime.[Yep, that many "greats"] So I sulked into the Judges office ready to give away my life savings. But much to my horror and everyone else’s amusement, the judge walked out of his office, recognized me immediately as my dad’s daughter and said, “What in the world are you getting a ticket for?”

Well it’s written there in black and white. His response was just, “Coming into town?” Yes.

As I proceeded to pay my bill, he stopped me. “How would you like to do community service and save your money?” Considering it’s pretty much all I have, I would do anything. Little did I know how much I would be the maker of every one in the courthouse day.

So early last Wednesday, I walked into the courthouse ready for my punishment. I was assigned to the auditor’s office. Did you know I know everyone in that office, I mean everyone? And if I didn’t know them, they knew me? And did you know they do their far share of speeding in that same area, and haven’t gotten caught? Or that they all enjoyed laughing at me? Did you know I didn’t mind one bit doing their “dirty” work? It was actually fun. But I was oh so happy to be let off with half a day less than first required. And I was oh so happy that I’ve now paid my debt to society and am back in good standing.

My life as a criminal was short. And I actually enjoyed it. Really the humor in it only counts if you were there—Watching me take out the trash and tell everyone how I got half demoted half promoted from reporter to file lady by being tired. Well it was funny.

My advice: don’t speed when you come into my hometown. You should be safe.

Of Jesus and Suffering

I've been reading a book lately called Humanitarian Jesus: Social Justice and the Cross by Christian Buckley and Ryan Dobson. It's been convicting to say the least.

As a humanitarian and social activist, but first a passionate follower of Jesus Christ, I've often struggled with meeting the overwhelming needs of the world AND sharing the wonderful gospel that will meet the greatest need--eternity. There are always questions about lines that should or shouldn't be crossed, there are always toes to be stepped on and opportunities to be passed up.

But the great question to me has always been: is it right? Is it right to not step over the line and share the gospel, is it right to step on toes and take care of physical needs when you are "suppose to" be sharing the gospel? Is it right to pass up an opportunity to share Christ when you are there to give clean water, teach English or even rescue from slavery?

I can't think of how many times I've heard the verse "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." (Matthew 25:35-36) as the reason Christians should be socially active. It's as if this verse is the heart of Jesus, meeting the needs of people to show them the gospel by loving as Christ loved.

I agree.

But today, I want to leave something to think about, did Jesus always heal? Did Jesus always fix the needs to have people follow him? Was it Jesus goal to take away physical pain and suffering of this world before eternity comes?

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he as anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." (Luke 4:18-19)

When it comes right down to it, I'm thinking about the order of Christ's purpose. I'm thinking about the main reason Jesus came. What does that mean for my purpose? What does that mean about the church's purpose?

And when the answers come, is there boldness to actually take the action needed?

Home Alone

You know, I'm not a fan of being alone. I love people much to much.

When I was living in Taiwan, I had an amazing roommate. But as it happened she had some health problems and for several weeks I was without a roommate. One day, I was shocked out of my skin when I was talking to my team leader Davina, in her room and suddenly, her roommate, Sarah, came walking in with my mattress. It was probably the best gift I could have been given right then. Being alone in my room had really been wearing on me, and I needed to be sleeping in Sarah and Davina's room. I love them to this day for it.

I bring this up just because I'm now once again in a room alone. This time I'm okay with it. But what I'm pushing through for the next several days is my loving parents are off on their 25th wedding anniversary cruse. I'm so glad they got to go.... and I'm home alone with the other 5 children.

Let's just say that I really love my parents and I'm SO grateful for them. And to make it a little better I'm keeping a quote log:

"Lana, I'll help you clean up the kitchen!!"

"Lana! You're WRONG! MOMMA does put wipes in the toilet!"

"If I work ahead then I don't have to do ANY school ever again! Right??"

"Alana, your macaroni and cheese wasn't too bad today."

"I want to sit on your lap, no beside you, no on your lap, no beside you. I don't like you!!!"

"I'm sorry, lana, sorry lana, sorry lana. I'll sit on my potty now. I'm sorry lana."

"Where's the lellow broom lana? I'll sweep. Oh I wanna play with my truck!"

"PEACHES!!"

And that's all for now. God is the giver of grace, and well I'm grateful. I'm also grateful for running. And that kids say things that make you have to laugh out loud. That's pretty wonderful too!

-The Nomad

In Honor of Today

I was digging through archives and found this:

February 2009

There is so much that I could wish for. Really. I mean even though it probably won't come true, wishing that something interesting won't always happen when I travel isn't a bad thing. Because something always happens. And right now I'm sitting in the Kala Lumpier airport watching two very protective looking guards walk around on patrol thinking about what I just lived through.

Looking back, I wish I had just one guy friend there with me, just to be a presence. I wish I had the F-off written on my forehead like P. I wish I knew more about explaining my faith to Muslims. I wish I wasn't so darn available. I almost even wish I didn't have big green eyes and lots of freckles.

His name is Casey. He is from Africa, (very good looking, thick ghetto accent, flashy clothes big earrings in each ear) I don't remember where, somewhere on the west side. All I was doing was observing people, wondering, praying and taking pictures, when he suddenly asked, “Hey do you want to take my picture?” Well, since I'm here taking pictures, sure why not, I love taking pictures of people. So one picture, a little bit of chit-chat and a “Thanks!” and I'll be on my way to walk around and do my own thing. It didn't really work out that way.

Suddenly he was introducing himself, jumping off the ledge he was sitting on and standing a towering 6'4” or 6'5” right in front of me. And he was firing questions at me so quick I nearly couldn't hear all of them. At first all I could think about was being my polite southern raised self and kindly answer the few questions he had and then gently move away. He had more than a few questions, and gently moving away proved to be impossible. In fact after the questions moved from what I did for a living to “How old are you?” and “Do you have a boyfriend?” I really realized that I had for the first just by walking by caused someone to have a crush. And he was very forward about his crush. “Why don't you have a boyfriend?” This led to me telling him where I live, and why I want to have my whole heart there. “Can I have your phone number.” NO. “I don't want to lose contact with you, is there anyway I can talk to you?” Would you please stop asking me those questions? “Oh come one please!?” fine. I'll give you my rarely checked email address. “Where are you going?” To see a friend in Indonesia. “Is it a guy or girl?” You can't lie Alana. A girl.

Okay can I please go now? “Why don't we go over here and talk? I just can't let you go. I mean I've never talked to someone like you before. And did you know that you are so beautiful? Do you believe you're beautiful?” Yes, God made me that way. And dude, you aren't the first guy to tell me that. “God, you believe in God?” Yes, I'm a Christian. Jesus is my Savior. “Oh wow. I love you for that. I mean I believe in god. So lets go sit and talk.” I really want to run, but I'm thinking he's gonna follow me. Alright. “....Okay do you like to play games?” Sometimes. “I have this game that I like to play, I ask you questions and you ask me questions, anything and I have to answer them truthfully.” Okay.... But we have a limit Yeah I'm clever. We can only ask 10. “Okay I'm cool with that.”

He asked me just about everything, from if I believe in love, the romantic kind to who is my best friend, to how many siblings I have to is the Christian God the same as the Muslim God. And I asked him questions, hard ones. Like to him who is Jesus? If he were to die tonight would he go to heaven or hell? If he could change something in the world and make it a better place what would it be? He really didn't have answers for any of my questions. He just tried to talk his way out of things. He told me he was “Chrismilm.” Half Christian, because his mother is Christian. Half Muslim, because his dad is Muslim. I hate to point it out to you dude, but you can't be both. That is one weird combination of a family. Especially a family that stayed together until his father died.

I guess, I also wish I could say that I wasn't taken back when he for the fifth time told me I was just “so beautiful” or “You know I’ve been having lots of dreams lately. About the girl who I know is the one for me. I’ve seen her face clearly, and I know it’s you. So I’m going to ask you—are you the one from my dreams.” Big fat NO there. “No really, I think you are. Are you?” Um No. Really NO. I don’t think so.

Who is this forward anyway?

Over the last hour I was just myself, blunt to the point, sharing my faith as a girl completely in love with Jesus, a world changer, living the life that God has so graciously given me. How did he get to the conclusion that I was the girl of his dreams from that? He was impressed with my life. An English teacher in Taiwan, a photographer, and in his mind a preacher. I pray that he didn't miss that God is the one who gave me everyone of those things. I pray that he will quit seeing me and become impressed with God.

Why did this happen anyway? Could anything more crazy ever happen to me?

Well I finally did get away--but not before 2 more hours where up. And yes, there is more to the story.

Really, I laugh at how many proposal's I've had. This guy did ask me again to go back to Africa with him.. be the girl of his dreams. For serious. [bleck!] I counted up, I've had 5 dead-serious marriage proposals in my life. I'm not counting the ones that old men yelled at me while I was living overseas. All of those guys were wasting their breath, because I haven't said "yes" yet. Who knows maybe the 6th will be the one, it's not going to be coming soon though :)

This story is just for today. Because today is beautiful. And all archives and adventures should be shared. Especially when they are so darn awkward!

Just to wrap up the story I'll add a little more of what I wrote that night.

-Alana

I don't know how God is going to use me being real about Him and not taking any of the crap that Casey dished out as anything important. God is still God. And if my telling some of my passions and a little of my story will somehow make it to Africa and be used by the Spirit to do great things--I don't know. I still can't believe that I lived through that. And no Daddy I have no interest in being the girl of his dreams. No worries.

[rethinking]

I do lots of thinking. But right now I'm REthinking. And here is the place I'm starting.

More thoughts will come as I think them :)

-lana

And My Heart Sings

August is a crazy month for my family. We have 4 birthdays, one anniversary, and the inevitable starting back to school. All in ONE month. The only month that rivals it is November, yet when you are in that month, adding another birthday as well as Thanksgiving, somehow August is forgotten. But today, it's August and it's an exciting one at that.

When I was living in Taiwan, my sister Rachel called me and asked me to start praying for our sister Lydia. The reasons were so wise that I did. I've prayed for all my siblings and I always will. But what Rachel was pointing out to me was that Lydia is perceptive. She wanted me to pray because Lydia was looking around her and was really seeing what was going on. And she didn't like it. My Lydia knew she wanted Jesus, but she didn't want the Jesus she was seeing in many people around her who called themselves Christians. She told Rachel that. So Rachel asked me to pray.

Today at work, my mom, dear brother Shep and Lydia came into see me at work. After making them frap's and tea, and Shep and Mom constantly urging Lydia to tell me something, my precious little sister came up to me and whispered in my ear, "Last night, I accepted Jesus."

I'm telling you it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard!

Mom told me that Lydia started asking questions on the 25th. That was my birthday. And last night, she came to the Kingdom. I couldn't have been given a more wonderful birthday present. And Lydia did give me a beautiful bracelet.

One time I was talking with my roommate Priscilla. We decided that there were three reasons for us to pray for those who haven't yet come to the Kingdom of Heaven. First, because they are lost, they need Jesus no matter who they might be. Second, would be because they are close to us, family, friends. And third is because they will do great damage to Satan's earthly kingdom when they come. Well my friends, Lydia is in all of those reasons. And now she is part. I couldn't be happier.

Really and truly.

Brave

I'll admit it. I think I'm brave. But I'm not really. There are parts of my heart that are just hard to share. There are stories that seem to hurt more than help. But I need to share this story. Because even if I'm not brave, Veria was. And for that reason here is part of her story.

July 15, 2010

Sometimes in life, very special gifts have been given us. God for some reason decides to give us gifts we don’t deserve. One’s that we have no business explaining. July second I was given a special gift. Sitting in the back of a green Russian van, moments after I arrived in Volgograd, was a little girl: Tayna and Olog’s beautiful daughter Veria.

Never have I seen a little girl with a bigger smile, never have I met someone who could store nine feet of attitude into a 3 ½ foot body. Veria screamed, “I’m precious!” And she is.

The first Sunday morning July 4 2010, of our stay, I began to see one little part of this amazing little one. All of the American’s had gotten up to speak, now it was Kyle and Irena’s turn. So up to the front of the church they went, their son Daniel in tow. With Daniel being one and a half, he pretty much did not appreciate standing up in front of a church while his parents spoke about their vision for this camp. So up came Veria. She sat on the stage and played with Daniel, sometimes bothering him, but still for the most part keeping him out of trouble. Right then and there I saw it: Veria loves to mother.

That proved so true during all of camp. Time after time, that little girl would go up to the two little Daniels we have and just pick them up. Sometimes they would want to go play with her; sometimes it would be more of a fight. But that didn’t keep Veria from wanting to love like a mother, or trying her hardest to be the one in charge. On occasion that effort even extended to the children at camp who were quite capable of taking care of themselves, and never did it end anything less than comical.

And most of the funny came from Veria’s sassy, and way to cute attitude. This is the little girl who got up in the morning with enough energy to be electricity for the entire camp. She is the go-getter of a little girl who doesn’t stop for anything, the girl who got more bee stings than anyone else, just because she doesn’t believe in being passive.

She is the older sister who will annoy her younger siblings just because she loves them. She is horrible with names; she doesn’t hesitate to find a way to have her way. This little girl is the most beautiful center of childhood. At the river one day, she ran up to her little sister and grabbed her float only saying, “Thank you Christine, I’m sure you don’t need it!” Time after time, she would be the one showing off the frogs she had caught, and time after time she and Timothy would be the ones to try to light them on fire, then regret their decision, only to do it again later. She was fascinated with camera’s, I’m still not sure how many times she had to be told that Alana’s camera was too heavy and to expensive for her to use.

Mixed into Veria’s love and dominating attitude about life, is a little girl who loves with all of her heart. She is the little girl who gives the best hugs. She even gives fantastic Valentines. All of us were sitting up in our room, when suddenly there is a knock on the door and Veria’s little head peaked in. She went straight to Katey and started talking about how the valentine she had in her had was for Rachel, and giving Katey a hug when Katey “Oh no, over there is Rachel!” A “woops!” came out of Veria’s mouth before she jumped over to give the valentine to Rachel. Hugs and a thank you later, Veria disappeared out the door, only to reappear two minutes later with a valentine for Katey!

I fell in love with this little girl. She just took the bull by the horns and always won. She would talk away to me in Russian like I knew the language, then if I didn’t understand her, she would just talk louder and start dragging me places. She was always taking pictures, always smiling. Veria is a little girl who is secure in the fact she was chosen. That would be because Veria is adopted. Veria is wanted, loved and free because of the love of her family and God.

On July 15, 2010 just two days after I told Veria’s homeland goodbye, I got a phone call. Vera and her family were on the way to see her grandmother and they were in a car wreck. Veria went home to be with Jesus.

Tears are still streaming down my face. I just don’t know how to answer the questions that are pouring through my heart and mind. God why could this possibly be part of your plan? Why Veria, couldn’t you use something else? Please God don’t tell me this will be the reason that some will turn away from you? Please tell me this is the miracle we asked for so all the students at camp could come to know you? Can you tell me why this precious family had to be hurt? Can you please tell me why?

August 23, 2010

I still don't have the answers. I don't think I ever will. This summer has been a struggle. I've asked more questions of God and been extremely faithless. But God has remained faithful. All I know today is this family has been given more grace than imaginable. They have been given life again. I know they still have questions. I know they still hurt, but God in His goodness is giving hope. Even if I can't find answers, at least I do have hope.

Today I Write

A far away place visited.

Over the last couple of days I’ve felt numb. Sort of dazed from like I was just hit in the head with a baseball. Today is my third 11-work day in a row. Tomorrow will be a welcomed 9-hour day for sure. I’ve been sitting in my lovely little coffee shop flipping through books and watching the carpet get cleaned. I’ve taken orders and vacuumed the floor, all while not really thinking.

There is so much to process from the last couple of months. I think that’s why I haven’t been really taking anything in or really responding.

But today I write.

Because my life is beautiful. Because Jesus has made it beautiful.

There are stories of amazing people, pictures to show. There are lessons learned and far away places visited.

So today I write.

[Title Goes Here]

So as not to make people think I've been lost forever--I'm updating.

In the last week I've traveled far enough north to see the aurora borealis and far enough south to see the Brazos River. I've said goodbye to my sister Sarah moving to college and my team of Taiwanese girls I was privileged to invest in for a month. I went to a baseball game and was reminded of how big my God is. I stopped over at my house for 36 hours and celebrated 3 birthdays and I ate breakfast with Kristen and Priscilla in Ft. Worth.

Now I'm back with my family. For a whole week and a half.

[Go ahead and leave comments about how much of a gipsy I am. I would just love the comments :)]

Over the last month I've learned so much. I have so many stories to tell. But because I'm about to fall asleep, yet I still have several people to talk to tonight I'm just going to leave what I wrote for VOICE as my lessons learned.

“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” 1 Thessalonians 4:20

When I came to V2 I never thought I would learn the lessons I have. What God had for me was nothing like I expected. I thought I would know how to handle everything this program had for me—I thought I knew what it took to be a leader. But those expectations were destroyed. God knew I needed to be taken back to the first step in becoming a leader.

Before a servant’s heart, before good character or learning to make an appeal, I needed to learn to actually see God as my reality. God used V2 to prove Himself faithful of my trust. He took away what I thought I knew about Him and replaced it with who he really is. V2 showed me who my Hero really is; He alone is worthy of my trust. Despite circumstances, pressures, and pain in this life I’ve learned God has created me to be His leader. I’ve learned Jesus desires most for me to not be offended of Him and his plan. What God has placed in my life or how he has created me is perfect.

I needed to see God as worthy of my trust and my worship again. I needed God to prove that he is my Everything. I couldn’t be more grateful that God destroyed my expectations of who He is at V2. Because seeing God again has shown me that he is faithful, and despite my weakness He does use me, no matter how much I have doubted that reality.

pictures

I know I've left everyone hanging, and I'm sorry. I'm not really ready to give the reason just yet, but know that I do have a reason for not getting pictures up in a more timely manner.

I hope you love a few of these from camp, more are coming soon!

Alana

Dear Volgograd,

Here I sit, in the Houston airport. I'm just waiting for my flight that will take me back to the rest of my family. I'll be home for about 20 hours. Then it's off to the next thing.

The next thing is called VOICE. I get to spend the rest of my summer as a V2 student, working and loving Taiwanese students! I'm uber excited, even though at the moment that looks like me in much need of sleep :) So with another trip upon me, I will post one more thing from Russia before pictures take over.

Dear Volgograd,

It was like I couldn't get away from you. Almost like you were holding me there. But now I've landed in Moscow and I miss you.

I know why my sister loves you so much. Your heart is great, your people strong. You have not let disaster keep you from rising up again.

I just want you to know, I believe God blesses each land and city with something special. You, Volgograd, have been blessed with courage. Courage to begin again, courage to endure, courage to strengthen your hearts. Your courage is deep and it is lasting. Someday, I know your courage will give you the faith to believe. Someday, your courage will give you the faith to believe. Someday, your courage will give you the hope to love.

I know all this because I know the Giver of your courage. He is faithful and just, He will heal your broken hearts and never leave you alone. The Giver is Holy, perfect in every way, yet He loves you enough to have died for you. His mercy is that great, and the passion He has for you that consuming. Volgograd, every country I've been to has been fantastic, I would do every trip again. But not all of those places have made me long to return. You have taken a piece of my heart.

I love you because my sister loves you, but also because you are worth loving. Someday I hope to return. But if that day never comes, know I'm praying for you. I see you raising up as a city and being a strong and courageous haven for the broken, all for the glory of God!

Jesus loves you Volgograd, each and every one of you. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. You cannot come to the Father but through Him. God promises believers that He will give them the desires of their hearts. One of my desires is that you know Him. Really and truly know Him.

Love,

Alana

On the Way

As Uncle Larry says, "if you have time to spare, go by air." We waited in the plane, I would say at the gate, but in Vgrad you walk out the door, get on a bus with all the other passengers, ride out to the plane and climb on board. I'm not sure of the temperature today, close to 100 my guess, but plenty hot, none the less. They were having "technical difficulties" the flight attendant told us in her limited English and we waited for 1 1/2 hours. It is amazing, though, that we were only 40 minutes late into Moscow. :)

This country is still amazing to me. That's such a bland statement for such a vast and varied country, but really, finding the words to describe my feelings is too hard at this moment. (Maybe that's because it's almost midnight here.)

We found a true treasure in our extended family members here that just happen to live in a different culture and speak a different language. They live. They love. They have hurts and joys. They really aren't much different than most of us and I hope the biggest similarity is that it is evident that they love Jesus and are desiring to make a difference in this world.

Let's continue on...

Karen

The Return

And so we have come back from camp. There are no words to describe the wonder of what happened this last week. If I could pick one word it would be potential.

This last week was filled with potential. Students who have potential, potential for the future, potential for the Kingdom. It's like when God gave this idea for a camp for college students He was giving a wide open door.

Okay, so I know you all are probably waiting for someone else to update besides me, trust me their coming. I will be making Mom do one tomorrow ;) But I am writing stories and beginning to gather from the somewhere around 1000 pictures ones that you will fall in love with.

Much love to you all!

Rollie, Ann, Karen and Alana

Volgograd!

Here I sit, in my SISTER'S house! This is AMAZING!

I've already met the most amazing people, one of them being Katey, my sister's partner. We've seen the great sights, had lemonade with ice in it, talked about everything sisters get to talk about only when they are together, had coffee at one amazing coffee shop (and a fried banana!! yeah baby.)

Being with my sister is fantastic. Really I love it.

Tomorrow we are heading to church and then to camp. We wont have internet at all while we are camp, but updates will be written and they will be posted when we get back to town. Thank you so much for all your prayers, the big part of this trip starts tomorrow and we are so grateful everything you have. (I get to help sing in front of people... oh dear) Being here and seeing the excitement of the team is making us even more excited. I love it!

Much love to everyone who is somewhere else!

Alana

P.S.- Pictures will come--and there will be LOTS of them!

Moscow

We made it! And I have to say that it was completely uneventful. Much to the surprise of some of my traveling buddies, I do assure you (what can I say? my reputation proceeds me!)

Today is July 2, 2010. It's almost over for me, now that I've skipped ahead 9 hours. I'm in a new country, seeing it with new eyes. This place--Russia--is majestic my friends.

We arrived around 2 this afternoon, right on schedule and had no trouble at all getting through customs. We were met, as planned, by our taxi driver, and taken to the hotel. Then of course, I was hungry, imagine that.

And so with our trusty tour guide we set off, in search of food, knowledge, touristy places and ways to get over jet lag. It's been forever since I've been in this part of the world. When I walked off that plane, I felt weird seeing so many who look so much like me, and I felt like I needed to be saying what little I can in Chinese just because I can't understand what everyone else is saying.

I think me being gone so long from the Russia area of the world helped today. I was looking again. Yes, as soon as I stepped off the plane, cigarette smoke and people shoving at my backside reminded me exactly where I was. I did see way too many guys with too short of shorts on, and wonder how on God's green earth anyone could wear 6 inch hills for at least three miles--EVER! Culture differences always amaze me, and never do I mean any disrespect.

I saw buildings that were so amazing I just wondered at the people who built them, I walked on streets that were much older than my entire country. I looked at statutes of people who lived long before any of my traceable genealogy came into play and I saw things that can only be labeled as "the best".

But you see friends, no matter how majestic this country is, no matter how old the buildings or good the music is here, what I saw more than anything today was people. People who can't seem to smile, people who are looking for Someone. People who are living their lives without any regard for what they could be.

No matter how beautiful and great this country is, it doesn't always give purity to the people. No matter how old of tangible things you can find, or security inside of walled cities, that doesn't mean that love is present, or that eternity is truly safe. No matter how much looking for love through others, it will never fill the true void in so many hearts.

Today, I saw again with new eyes. I saw a different people, a potential filled people. I saw thousands of walking stories. I saw hundreds of searching eyes. I'm here, not because I'm better or more advanced, because I'm not. I'm here because I have been given a gift. I have been given Jesus. My joy is complete, and theirs can be too.

This adventure has gotten off to a huge start and we aren't even to Volgograd yet! Pray that our eyes will see the lives, the voids that are in them, and that we will be the light of Jesus that will fill all the empty places and give the greatness each one of them deserves. Because really, no matter how funny it is to be the "stupid" American who drops all their leader papers all over the floor, it's really not what I wish to be remembered by.

-Alana and the team

P.S. There are fire works going off outside my window. It makes me think of a land I love, so very much. A place where people have stories also.

The Adventures in Not Waiting

We're down to the final days/hours/minutes, however you want to state it really, before we leave. As soon as we get ourselves packed I think things will start getting back to normal. But I really wasn't aiming to talk about the trip right now....

I think I'm hard headed. I'm just judging by how long it takes me to learn a lesson.... Sunday morning I started to get this feeling that I was in a place of waiting. Waiting for the time to pack, waiting my "new" adventure to start, waiting for some friend to tell me something new, waiting for the world to turn. Waiting, waiting, just waiting. I knew I had an adventure coming, and not only that I was looking for it... but while I was seeking that adventure, I quit living the one right now.

There have been too many comments as of late. About me, my life, what I do, how I do it, whatever, for me to comfortable any more. I think it's a good thing. Different people all came together to teach this lesson.

While waiting for my next adventure and looking hard for excitement in my small town, I quit living the adventure I have here, now.

Stopped.

So when the comments came, the lesson followed.

Adventure isn't about looking, but about living. The best adventure you could ever have is what is closest to you. Waiting for excitement is going to make you miss out on what is already exciting around you.

For the first time, I'm not just ready to leave; I'm ready to stay. I wish I could be here to get closer to my new friends I met just yesterday. I wish I could tell the stories of two amazing people, at this point I hardly know. I wish that I could see each day like I saw yesterday--full of life and adventure I love. I wish I could have the guts everyday to love with an open heart here in the States as I do everyday International. I wish I were open to hearing the heart of others, because yesterday I was amazed. Really amazed.

My God is the God of the impossible, His ways are higher than mine. And once again He has proven that I just don't always know what I'm talking about. I don't have to be away to have a adventure filled life, I just have to be aware. I don't have to be doing something else; I just have to be doing.

Waiting isn't worth it. Living is.

O.N.E Week!!

In just one week the crazy part of the summer adventures begin.

We're GOING INTERNATIONAL!! (this time it's not just me and the mouse in my pocket it's me and my mom and two other amazing people!)

And guess what?! Here is where you need to be to get updates on the whole ordeal!

The goal is to update everyday.... but you know how that might go. I'll be assigning team members to different days of the trip so you won't be getting tired of hearing only my perspective.

Details and prayer requests:

• We will be teaching an English camp in Volgograd, Russia, July 1-13, 2010
• The camp is for college students ages 16-29
• Please pray that our presents at the camp will give opportunity for Jesus be shared and the gospel to be spread.
• Pray for save travel and the ability to get over jet lag quickly

Today I'm armed with a massive todo list and a good cup of coffee. It is a day to be insurmountably productive!

So I best be going, but I thought I would leave you all with an explanation of the picture of the family. Talk about a great life story: this family has one. Crazy in love with God and life, these people have more than a few stories about all they have done for the Lord.

I'm out!

-lans

rain

I love rain. I always have.

Maybe it's because I'm a farmers daughter. Maybe it's because I was an island dweller. But no matter, I still love it.

Rain has always been a sign of healing to me. That, I know, is because I was an island dweller. Yes, I know that rain refreshes the ground, it allows the crops to grow, it gives nourishment and life.

But to me, it's healing.

This last week, the weather around my home, that I have always known as a dry part of the country, has been thunder storms that have brought floods. One night we got so much rain practically every house in town had water in it. 5-7 inches in one night. (That's quite a lot in the Texas Panhandle.)

Rain can also mean danger and pain.

But I think danger and pain is part of healing. I think that without those things healing can't happen. I think that rain is suppose to sooth at times with simple drizzle, and sometimes with pain from flash floods. I think that when dangerous rain comes, is the only time the rainbow is really seen. I think that the aftermath of a storm is what actually brings beauty.

I think life is a lot like rain.

Without danger, without pain there is no beauty. I think that to rejoice when the rain of life comes to sooth, to nourish, and to give is required and should be cherished. Simply and comforting healing is beautiful. But the rains of life that bring pain, actually bring more beauty. The rains of life that show danger actually equal more reward.

My life has given danger, it's been beautiful to undertake. My life has given pain, and I'm seeing more freedom come than ever before. My life has given comforting healing and it was a welcome relief. My life is like rain.

And my God is the same God who sends the rain. Just like I can't understand His sovereignty in sending rain in harvest, I can't understand His sovereignty in pain. I don't know what His plan is from this present danger. But if I trust Him, the same result will come in my life as comes from rain.

It's a promise.

circumstances

I know it's been a long time since I last wrote. I've been meaning to get back to this, really I have. But I have to admit I'm really afraid of writing. It sounds silly, I know, but I am. Never in a thousand years would I have thought that to come to the place of contentment and happiness and then telling the world about it would open the door for Satan to really attack me. But it did.

Right now I feel like a bird with a broken wing that little boys are throwing rocks at. It's painful, this thing called life. In just two weeks everything I knew went out the window. I became undone. I pretty much failed.

But today I guess you could say things are "looking up"--whatever that means. Basically I'm moving on. The last couple of weeks circumstances have become my greatest burden. I'v fallen flat on my face. The attack and resulting stress has even made my usual love of food vanish. But today I've overcome my circumstances. Because my God is great enough to do this for me. He is giving me so much love and grace, I can see the finish line. Well, the finish line for this part of the race. And I'm going to make it. By the power of the Almighty I will make it.

I know this attack is not over. But the thing is, the evil one can't win, my Jesus has already. I don't know if I will ever be abel to write about my time spent broken on my face. I do know that God is giving me testimony right now. I do know He is cementing my beliefs. So when I do start writing about my soon coming amazing summer adventures, you can know that I've made it across the finish line. And if I start writing about all I've been learning, before the summer adventures, you can know I was able to walk, not just crawl across the line. But if that time never comes, know that Jesus is still my lover, He is still my all, and if it weren't for Him you wouldn't have ever heard from me on here again.

Sometimes, my friends, the whole picture is never meant to be seen.

alana

The Life Lived

Isn't it wonderful that even when the whole picture can't be seen it can still be beautiful?

Well, I think so friends.

I think it's safe to say that I've completed an epic fail at posting this first half of the month. I had a good reason, but I can't say that it's one I want to share. So we shall just leave it at that.

I've come to the conclusion that life is complicated. I don't think I've ever been so happy in a place I'm unhappy. Crazy right? I know that doesn't make sense, but I do have a point. I think I'm content. Finally. For sure.

It really couldn't have come at a better time. If I were content earlier, I would have stopped searching and fighting for the things God has placed on my heart. If it came later, I would have missed out on living my last month and a half at home this summer to the fullest.

I guess you could say this is an "update on my life" post. And trust me, this last weekend was so amazing, it needs to be written about. Although I boycotted shooting, so there are no pictures, I hope you can see a little of life for me right now.

I went to Ft. Worth this weekend just for the heck of it. Really, nothing other than friends took me down there. It was fantastic. I love hanging out with friends at lake houses talking and playing board games, staying up late and building bond fires. I met new people who just love on you like you are the best thing in the world. I really wish I could be more like my new friends Kate and Hailey. Their hearts are so huge and they are so welcoming. I spent time with old friends, and saw more of their hearts and wished I could be more like them too. When I came home I felt relaxed. I haven't felt that in a long time.

Thursday night when I got down there Kristen and I went to see Robin Hood with the boys. It was great. [and I'm not giving a movie review, just saying I loved it.] But before that we were at Roots while Kristen worked and I did school and talked to amazing people. Every time I'm down there I meet new people--who are worth meeting. I love it.

But as great as last weekend was, nor how needed it was, I think I became content before that. Just not long before that. If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I would be happy in my home town so far away from my main circle of friends and the market I would need for what I'm doing with my life I would have told you no. Yes, I would say I love being with my family, because it's true, but I wouldn't have said I was or would be happy. But I am.

God has given me so much here and other places. I've made many connections, I've gotten the privilege of loving on so many people. My heart has been picked up and moved to/from different circles here in town. I've left behind some things and found even better blessings. I've changed, I've grown, I've started fighting for issues God has called me to change.

I've become audacious.

This life is wonderful. My time left at home will be fantastic. I'm learning to live. And by that I mean I'm learning to let Jesus live for me. The last three months have been some of the hardest I've ever faced. I've never been more stressed or had to deal with more difficult situations. But because I do serve Jesus doors have opened. More than ever before in my life. God has blessed my life because He loves me, and I am following Him.

Kristen said something this weekend about how embracing the changed God has for us is the hardest thing ever, but doing so is what will keep our lives worth living. If I would have moved back to Taiwan, I would have had another amazing year. But it wouldn't have been because I was called, it would have been because I knew God had used me before. And not a good reason. I'm just so grateful that even though it was hard, stressful and tiring I came back to the States. I'm so glad I followed God.

This life is being lived. Crazy or insane as it might be, it is being lived. Because Jesus is the One who is truly giving me that life.

I never would have imagined.