Monday, May 17, 2010

The Life Lived

Isn't it wonderful that even when the whole picture can't be seen it can still be beautiful?
Well, I think so friends.

I think it's safe to say that I've completed an epic fail at posting this first half of the month. I had a good reason, but I can't say that it's one I want to share. So we shall just leave it at that.

I've come to the conclusion that life is complicated. I don't think I've ever been so happy in a place I'm unhappy. Crazy right? I know that doesn't make sense, but I do have a point. I think I'm content. Finally. For sure.

It really couldn't have come at a better time. If I were content earlier, I would have stopped searching and fighting for the things God has placed on my heart. If it came later, I would have missed out on living my last month and a half at home this summer to the fullest.

I guess you could say this is an "update on my life" post. And trust me, this last weekend was so amazing, it needs to be written about. Although I boycotted shooting, so there are no pictures, I hope you can see a little of life for me right now.

I went to Ft. Worth this weekend just for the heck of it. Really, nothing other than friends took me down there. It was fantastic. I love hanging out with friends at lake houses talking and playing board games, staying up late and building bond fires. I met new people who just love on you like you are the best thing in the world. I really wish I could be more like my new friends Kate and Hailey. Their hearts are so huge and they are so welcoming. I spent time with old friends, and saw more of their hearts and wished I could be more like them too. When I came home I felt relaxed. I haven't felt that in a long time.

Thursday night when I got down there Kristen and I went to see Robin Hood with the boys. It was great. [and I'm not giving a movie review, just saying I loved it.] But before that we were at Roots while Kristen worked and I did school and talked to amazing people. Every time I'm down there I meet new people--who are worth meeting. I love it.

But as great as last weekend was, nor how needed it was, I think I became content before that. Just not long before that. If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I would be happy in my home town so far away from my main circle of friends and the market I would need for what I'm doing with my life I would have told you no. Yes, I would say I love being with my family, because it's true, but I wouldn't have said I was or would be happy. But I am.

God has given me so much here and other places. I've made many connections, I've gotten the privilege of loving on so many people. My heart has been picked up and moved to/from different circles here in town. I've left behind some things and found even better blessings. I've changed, I've grown, I've started fighting for issues God has called me to change.

I've become audacious.

This life is wonderful. My time left at home will be fantastic. I'm learning to live. And by that I mean I'm learning to let Jesus live for me. The last three months have been some of the hardest I've ever faced. I've never been more stressed or had to deal with more difficult situations. But because I do serve Jesus doors have opened. More than ever before in my life. God has blessed my life because He loves me, and I am following Him.

Kristen said something this weekend about how embracing the changed God has for us is the hardest thing ever, but doing so is what will keep our lives worth living. If I would have moved back to Taiwan, I would have had another amazing year. But it wouldn't have been because I was called, it would have been because I knew God had used me before. And not a good reason. I'm just so grateful that even though it was hard, stressful and tiring I came back to the States. I'm so glad I followed God.

This life is being lived. Crazy or insane as it might be, it is being lived. Because Jesus is the One who is truly giving me that life.

I never would have imagined.

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