My Life as a Criminal

I’m laughing. Really. So everyone, laugh.

It cracks me up how small my town is. Everyone knows everyone. Well, at least everyone knows either my dad or my grandparents. Occasionally it’s my mom who’s at fault, but normally it’s the other three. And that is where my story begins.

I was driving home on Labor Day (bad idea I know.) from a wonderful weekend with my cousin Skylar. Just that morning, we had gone to Hobby Lobby and talked about how horrible it would be to speed on Labor Day and get caught. Pretty much can’t do any talking to get out of that. And thus, with this in the back of my mind I started home. It was a four-hour drive. Not bad really, but we had had a great weekend, and being thoroughly sunburned I was pretty tired.

Just for the record, I wasn’t speeding people. Not all the way home. I mean, I do speed sometimes, you know rarely. But I do ok at following the law. So here is my case: I was tired. I was sunburned. And I just wasn’t paying attention. No reason for a ticket right?? Well I guess the officer didn’t agree. And well as Sky and I decided earlier, I got “it” stuck to me.

I was mad. I didn't yell and get dramatic but I was mad. And I informed my dad that if he was going to raise me like him, I was going to get in trouble, and I was not going to be happy with him.

Well to make a long story short, my parents left town. Just up and left, and I had this great horrible thing of having to pay a great amount of money for my great crime.[Yep, that many "greats"] So I sulked into the Judges office ready to give away my life savings. But much to my horror and everyone else’s amusement, the judge walked out of his office, recognized me immediately as my dad’s daughter and said, “What in the world are you getting a ticket for?”

Well it’s written there in black and white. His response was just, “Coming into town?” Yes.

As I proceeded to pay my bill, he stopped me. “How would you like to do community service and save your money?” Considering it’s pretty much all I have, I would do anything. Little did I know how much I would be the maker of every one in the courthouse day.

So early last Wednesday, I walked into the courthouse ready for my punishment. I was assigned to the auditor’s office. Did you know I know everyone in that office, I mean everyone? And if I didn’t know them, they knew me? And did you know they do their far share of speeding in that same area, and haven’t gotten caught? Or that they all enjoyed laughing at me? Did you know I didn’t mind one bit doing their “dirty” work? It was actually fun. But I was oh so happy to be let off with half a day less than first required. And I was oh so happy that I’ve now paid my debt to society and am back in good standing.

My life as a criminal was short. And I actually enjoyed it. Really the humor in it only counts if you were there—Watching me take out the trash and tell everyone how I got half demoted half promoted from reporter to file lady by being tired. Well it was funny.

My advice: don’t speed when you come into my hometown. You should be safe.