circumstances

I know it's been a long time since I last wrote. I've been meaning to get back to this, really I have. But I have to admit I'm really afraid of writing. It sounds silly, I know, but I am. Never in a thousand years would I have thought that to come to the place of contentment and happiness and then telling the world about it would open the door for Satan to really attack me. But it did.

Right now I feel like a bird with a broken wing that little boys are throwing rocks at. It's painful, this thing called life. In just two weeks everything I knew went out the window. I became undone. I pretty much failed.

But today I guess you could say things are "looking up"--whatever that means. Basically I'm moving on. The last couple of weeks circumstances have become my greatest burden. I'v fallen flat on my face. The attack and resulting stress has even made my usual love of food vanish. But today I've overcome my circumstances. Because my God is great enough to do this for me. He is giving me so much love and grace, I can see the finish line. Well, the finish line for this part of the race. And I'm going to make it. By the power of the Almighty I will make it.

I know this attack is not over. But the thing is, the evil one can't win, my Jesus has already. I don't know if I will ever be abel to write about my time spent broken on my face. I do know that God is giving me testimony right now. I do know He is cementing my beliefs. So when I do start writing about my soon coming amazing summer adventures, you can know that I've made it across the finish line. And if I start writing about all I've been learning, before the summer adventures, you can know I was able to walk, not just crawl across the line. But if that time never comes, know that Jesus is still my lover, He is still my all, and if it weren't for Him you wouldn't have ever heard from me on here again.

Sometimes, my friends, the whole picture is never meant to be seen.

alana

The Life Lived

Isn't it wonderful that even when the whole picture can't be seen it can still be beautiful?

Well, I think so friends.

I think it's safe to say that I've completed an epic fail at posting this first half of the month. I had a good reason, but I can't say that it's one I want to share. So we shall just leave it at that.

I've come to the conclusion that life is complicated. I don't think I've ever been so happy in a place I'm unhappy. Crazy right? I know that doesn't make sense, but I do have a point. I think I'm content. Finally. For sure.

It really couldn't have come at a better time. If I were content earlier, I would have stopped searching and fighting for the things God has placed on my heart. If it came later, I would have missed out on living my last month and a half at home this summer to the fullest.

I guess you could say this is an "update on my life" post. And trust me, this last weekend was so amazing, it needs to be written about. Although I boycotted shooting, so there are no pictures, I hope you can see a little of life for me right now.

I went to Ft. Worth this weekend just for the heck of it. Really, nothing other than friends took me down there. It was fantastic. I love hanging out with friends at lake houses talking and playing board games, staying up late and building bond fires. I met new people who just love on you like you are the best thing in the world. I really wish I could be more like my new friends Kate and Hailey. Their hearts are so huge and they are so welcoming. I spent time with old friends, and saw more of their hearts and wished I could be more like them too. When I came home I felt relaxed. I haven't felt that in a long time.

Thursday night when I got down there Kristen and I went to see Robin Hood with the boys. It was great. [and I'm not giving a movie review, just saying I loved it.] But before that we were at Roots while Kristen worked and I did school and talked to amazing people. Every time I'm down there I meet new people--who are worth meeting. I love it.

But as great as last weekend was, nor how needed it was, I think I became content before that. Just not long before that. If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I would be happy in my home town so far away from my main circle of friends and the market I would need for what I'm doing with my life I would have told you no. Yes, I would say I love being with my family, because it's true, but I wouldn't have said I was or would be happy. But I am.

God has given me so much here and other places. I've made many connections, I've gotten the privilege of loving on so many people. My heart has been picked up and moved to/from different circles here in town. I've left behind some things and found even better blessings. I've changed, I've grown, I've started fighting for issues God has called me to change.

I've become audacious.

This life is wonderful. My time left at home will be fantastic. I'm learning to live. And by that I mean I'm learning to let Jesus live for me. The last three months have been some of the hardest I've ever faced. I've never been more stressed or had to deal with more difficult situations. But because I do serve Jesus doors have opened. More than ever before in my life. God has blessed my life because He loves me, and I am following Him.

Kristen said something this weekend about how embracing the changed God has for us is the hardest thing ever, but doing so is what will keep our lives worth living. If I would have moved back to Taiwan, I would have had another amazing year. But it wouldn't have been because I was called, it would have been because I knew God had used me before. And not a good reason. I'm just so grateful that even though it was hard, stressful and tiring I came back to the States. I'm so glad I followed God.

This life is being lived. Crazy or insane as it might be, it is being lived. Because Jesus is the One who is truly giving me that life.

I never would have imagined.

prayer

Today is Thursday May 6, 2010.

I don't really know how today will be remembered for the rest of time.

But I do know what I'm thinking about today.

Today is the United States of America's National Day of Prayer.

Prayer is such a funny thing. It's something that can be banished, yet it's freedoms can't be denied. Prayer can't lose power, yet it's power can remain unclaimed.

Today is a day for God's people to come together to pray.

I know there are threats to the freedom of prayer, be there are also still promises. And there is still power. Pray for America, pray for the world. And then make those prayers action, go and change the world. There is power in prayer.

"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14