Living Free

2011-07-08T12:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the things deepest in your heart are the hardest to find words for. It’s as if they are so close and so treasured that words just aren’t good enough.

So today I’m digging.

Because I’ve realized that I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. Because not only have I changed, but e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. about my life adventure has changed.

And I don’t just mean my new haircut.

I’m pretty sure if you would have asked me this time last year where I would be in a year I would have told you something like:

“Oh I’ll probably be back overseas somewhere, still taking pictures, still loving being this single girl making a difference for God. Yeah, I love life like it is right now, no need to change it!”

Um… in case you couldn’t guess—that is not what life is like right now.

Go back friends, go back and see what I wrote this time last year. Then come back and pick up where I am now… it’s different.

But I’m happy.

I’m in love. With this guy named Daniel. I didn’t want him to come into my life (didn’t even like him at first) and I wasn’t ready for a relationship in my mind. I guess God had other ideas.

My summer means staying in the States—oh wait I mean State, as in Texas. Other than my family vacation I wont be leaving Texas. I’m not used to this.

I actually have to follow a budget. Because I’m kinda grown up now, have my own cell phone.

Priorities don’t come easily anymore. I have to think about them, plan time with all the people in my life and make sure that it’s balanced. I’m used to flying by the seat of my pants. No more, I have a job.

All of these bullet points need words and pictures. So I’m digging through my heart and looking for the words I need, and through my files for the pictures.

Some things about me haven’t changed—I still believe stories are meant to be told. I still love to look at life different than others. It’s still easier for me to communicate with written words than spoken. And Jesus is still teaching me how to be free.

Be looking for these new life stories in the coming weeks.

[Here is a portrait of my man. So handsome right??]

Alana

Blessings

2011-04-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

I am having a rough day. [This is where you all roll your eyes and say "Lans, it happens."]

But have you ever had one of those days where you wake up and just don't want to get out of bed? When you're so overwhelmed at what the weekend (yes, not even the week) holds that you don't know how to proceed? Have you ever made yourself get ready for a meeting then, get lost driving there, and then once you're there realize you missed a memo and it wasn't happening? What about when you walk all over a shopping center to find the cell phone store--because you need (yes, Daddy I did say 'need.' We've talked on this.) a smart phone. Once you're there, you realize that you couldn't afford it even if you lived off of the dollar menue once a day for the next month. By then you're ready to cry.

People it's not even noon yet and this is the pace of my life e.v.e.r.y day. So I did cry.

But you see, there is this thing about a loving God: He doesn't let you stay where you are.

Thirty minutes ago, I wanted to run away. I wanted to go home, sit on my daddy's lap, and watch my momma cook. I wanted to stop everything and play with my siblings for hours and jump on the trampoline, and watch the wind whip across the plains.

Now, I still want that, but I have been overwhelmed in a different way. By the blessings my Father has given me.

I was just standing there, tears coming, wind blowing my hair and Him whispering in my ear.

I love you Alana. I see where you are and what you need. I have given you so so much. People who love you, who cherish you. People who will listen to you, people you can rely on. I've given you a job you love, I've opened the door for you do what you're good at. I'm letting you write and take pictures AND serve coffee. I've given you favor just because you a.r.e. Mine. Your car is running, you'll have work hanging in a gallery next week and you have a good bed.

And above all, you have a Savior, who saved you from your sins and has given you the gift of the right to be my child. You are loved.

Friends, it doesn't always take a sermon to grow. Mostly it only takes the everyday ordinary challenges seen from His perspective.

This weekend remember that. He died for you AND He overcame death for you. Jesus gave the Just Father the sacrifice that was needed so we could have the right to become sons of God (John 1:12-13) Don't forget how much He loves you and wants to show you His perfect love.

Happy Resurrection Day!

-lans

change

2011-03-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Making art from art. I'm not sure if it's legit, but it helps my point for the post :)

There are times when songs get stuck in my head. "Change in the Making" by Addison Road has been floating around today.

Theres a better version of me
That I cant quite see
But things are gonna change
Right now Im a total mess and
Right now I'm completely incomplete
But things are gonna change
Cause youre not through with me yet

This is redemptions story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you're chipping away
What I dont need
This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I'm closer to who Im meant to be
I'm a change in the making

I can't even begin to say how much there is to write about. I pretty much dropped off the face of the earth right before I few back to the States, so here I am to resurface and let you all know I've not decided to run away and never come back.

The last three weeks of my life have been indescribably hard, great, fantastic, wonderful, ugly and beautiful. Yes, all those things. I don't even think I could give the bullet points before blogger would tell me it was too long to post ;)

But really, life has been overwhelming.

And thank God, He's not finished with me. He's not finished with my destiny, my heart, my life.

He has me under construction. He is digging deep in my heart and pulling out things that have needed to be gone for a long time.

God has also been giving me great gifts. Like celebrating my best friend's marriage to the man of her dreams, my family coming in this weekend, dropping my little sister off at the airport for her incredible adventure to Alaska. Crying over pictures and seeing God give me the vision I need.

I'm convenced, at times it's the gifts that really push life over the edge to being overwhelming.

And so, there is much to write about. Like adjusting to the States again and the lessons I've been learning on that front, or what it means to endure, or about the wedding (*happiness*) or my next move, or what I've been learning about letting go, or Japan and how it has effected my outlook on life.

So. Much.

I'm a change in the making. And I take great comfort in creativity of my Abba. At times, life just seems like a bunch of useless colors, running around in zig zag lines, never seeming to be creating anything. Little do I know just how wonderful of an artist God is. He can take what seems worthless and make it beautiful.

That, is what it is to create change.

Hualien

2011-02-20T21:00:00.001-08:00

I'm home.

It's the most wonderful feeling.... And one of the saddest.

It's painful to have so much joy at seeing the people you love, then turning right around and having the sadness of saying goodbye. It's not that I don't love being back, it's that it's so hard to say goodbye again so soon.

I really have much to write. But right now, all I have to say is that I've missed this. I've missed my Taiwan life. Especially the people. (Especially these two little boys.) And I can't wait for the time that I will get to come back again.

But right now, in this moment I'm more happy than I've been in a long time. For sure.

Life in Pictures

2011-01-28T18:59:00.000-08:00

I'm loving the Taiwan life. AND missing my other life.

But this is proof of me loving my life :) More coming soon!

Jesus, Help Me Pray

2011-01-26T00:45:00.000-08:00

I miss Hualien.

So. So. Much.

Today the burden I have for my Asia home is great. My heart is breaking for the children, for the families, for their souls. We have begun planning for the CI camp we will be holding in Gongfu, a village an hour south of Hualien City.

I know when I lived in Taiwan I had students from that area, and it's very possible that we will be teaching some of my students. It's hard, thinking about my students. What are they like now? Have they grown any? Do they remember what we taught them? Do they remember me?

All I want is my home to know God. I want Jesus to be the center of all they think and do. I want my students to be passionate about following Christ and passionate about character. I want to see healing come to the place in the world I love the most.

I'm learning how to pray for Hualien again. I thought I knew how, but this upcoming trip has made me realize how helpless I am. I want to see Jesus bring my home to Himself. It hurts to know we can't reach everyone.

So friends, I'm asking--because I'm selfish, I can't imagine heaven without these people--please help me pray. Help me pray for my home. Pray that we will be effective. Pray that we won't just plant seeds, but that we will see a harvest. Pray that Jesus will come down and touch the lives of each of the children we will be reaching out to.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for people who pray with me.

Thank You,

Alana

Living the CI Life

2011-01-19T23:06:00.000-08:00

Have you ever, I mean ever--bit off more than you could chew??

Well, as I sit on this freezing cold floor, since it is the only place anywhere close to an outlet... I'm thinking I have.

I'm loving the next part of my time in Taiwan, CI's.

But I'm still trying to process the whirlwind of a trip I had before this part. I've now been in 5 cities all over Taiwan. Every day has been packed with life. I'm now sitting here wondering, when will I even post here??

This part of my trip is adding jobs to my list, I'm staff, a accountability group leader, the photographer, the writer, the blogger, the picture poster, the assistant food girl. There might be more, but no one has told me yet. So I'm saying all this to simply ask: Please forgive me for not posting sooner/not posting as much as I would like to here. (Oh and if you would like you can always see what I'm posting, that others write, on thecijournal.com)

Life is good. Full, but good. God is working and I'm so excited to be part.

Thank you all for your prayers. I need them. As always ;)

Alana

Nantou

2011-01-10T04:24:00.000-08:00

There is so much running through my mind right now. God is so good and I stand amazed at what He is doing in Taiwan.

I'll be writing more as far as stories go soon. But before I fall asleep, here are a few pictures from today. It was one fantastic day. I love seeing into the heart God has given others. Just saying :)

Hands down my favorite pic of the day. This kid was so cute. I so wish I could have had more time to actually get to know him. 40 minutes just was not enough.

Can anyone say eyes??

READY?

2011-01-07T22:34:00.000-08:00

I'm in Taiwan.

Yes.

Here.

It's amazing.

I'm more than a little happy to be 'home.'

The next 6 weeks of my life are going to be insane. (which if you're interested, means: "(of an action or policy) extremely foolish; irrational or illogical." What I'm doing is both irrational and illogical. Really.) This adventure is for the books.

The question that keeps going through my mind is: Am I ready?

Am I ready to be moving around every three days for the next 6 weeks? Am I ready to be a small group leader? Am I ready to write these stories? Am I ready to take these pictures?

I don't know.

But as I was getting my Taiwan cell number and fighting jet lag, I realized that that is okay.

Me not being ready is inviting God to come and do the great work. So as I go, I will share the stories of God working. As many as I possibly can. It's gonna be great ;)

-lana

"And there were many other things Jesus did. Where every one of them to be written I suppose the world itself could not contain the books that would be written." John 21:25

Emma

2011-01-03T11:38:00.001-08:00

"Sometimes, the whole picture is never meant to be seen."

That is a piece of wisdom that most times I don't want to hear. Especially when it comes to my little cousin Emma. I just don't understand.

Emma is one of the most precious baby girls I've ever met. Full of smiles, life and joy.

I think that's why it's so hard to understand.

Emma isn't like normal baby girls. All her life she's been in and out of hospitals, poked and prodded, in and out of surgeries. It hurts knowing all she has had to go through, a story that would make anyone cry.

But really, the hurt is only half of Emma's story. The other half is harder to see. It's the half that if you didn't know it was there would be completely looked over. This half of Emma's story comes from others. From family, uncles, aunts, grandparents and Jesus.

It took me a long time to learn of the love Jesus has for Emma. And even still I know I can't understand. But somehow, someway, I hope to. In the midst of this fallen world, Jesus loves deep enough to allow Emma to go through this pain.

It feels wrong to say.

But it's true.

On December 31, 2010, I spent the afternoon with Emma and my dear Aunt, her Nana. I couldn't think of a better way to spend the last day of 2010. For the first time, I got to hold and meet this little one. For the first time I saw the sparkle in her eye, heard her talk, saw the wheels constantly turning in her smart little head. In those moments I remembered: My Uncle Rick praying, every day at every meal, lifting her up before the throne of God. I remembered the other countless people who have spend days praying for her healing. I thought of the Savior who came just for her.

I realized Jesus isn't finished with her yet.

My baby cousin Emma understands a part of Jesus at two that I will probably never understand in a lifetime. She understands suffering and the joy that can come from it.

In many ways, I believe Emma wouldn't be as happy as she is if she weren't in pain. I don't think she would bring sunshine to the world if people weren't praying for her. I believe that this precious little one wouldn't know joy without her suffering.

And yet, all I want is for her to heal. It broke my heart to know she's back in the hospital.

So I still don't understand. I never will. How love can be so deep, so flawless, that beauty can come from pain? I believe it will come in Emma's life. I believe it already is. It just hurts to see.

If the day ever comes when I understand, I'll try to put it in words. And when Emma makes it to the other side--the side of living a healthy life, I'll write all of her story. But right now all I can do is pray. And trust.

Jesus loves Emma. So much more than any of my family could. So much more than we could ever imagine. Which is why I can't see the whole picture. Why none of us can.

"Sometimes, the whole picture is never meant to be seen."

Merry Christmas

2010-12-23T15:46:00.000-08:00

It dawned on me this morning that it was last Christmas when I started this blog. It’s hard to believe what I’ve been through over this last year. And sometimes, it’s even harder to believe what is coming for this next year.

I can’t lie and say that life is all hunky dory. It’s not. I’m tired really. Worn out and overwhelm by what has come my way. But it is Christmas, and no matter how tired I am, excitement is bubbling inside of me and spilling out all the time.

I’m just so blessed. There are more presents than I could ever have imagined at my second family’s house. People have been more than generous. I got to spend a weekend with my family. I wish it was more, WAY more, but at least I got that much. I have friends who care, really care for me. I have the best roommate ever. Like I said: so blessed.

And to give more news—I’m headed back to Asia. In three weeks. Once again it’s like time is repeating it’s self, this time last year I was preparing for Nepal. Today I prepare for Taiwan. Three weeks! I’m more than excited, (and overwhelmed) and I’m more than sure that God’s blessing is upon this!

But right now, in the midst of my overwhelm, I’m quietly celebrating my Jesus choosing to come to earth and become a man, so I (Me!) could be saved. I’m my normal quirky self when I do this: I read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, then the Christmas story, then sing a little, then drink chai. Because He loves me.

"For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, Who is Christ the LORD."

Merry Christmas Friends

I Will Never Be the Same.

2010-12-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

I’ve always liked to think of myself as an adventure seeker. In some ways what I think of myself is true. I love to travel; I love running into the unknown facing each day, especially if I’m overseas, with a zest for life.

But there is another side of me.

It’s the side of me that needs a home, a place I’ll always know I’m loved and accepted. By having a home, a haven, I’m given the freedom to find the adventure I long for.

I’ve always had that refuge. Until November 29, 2010.

My home was taken away. Not by a person, not by a mistake, not even by failure. It was taken away by life. Life refined me, a girl who was getting settled after my last move, finally seeing the new place as her refuge and home, with fire. The house of wonderful family who took me in burned down.

And e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. the family owned was lost. Suddenly, I didn’t have a home anymore. Yes, I lived in the guesthouse, and only lost a few things—But my home was gone.

And this is where the story really begins.

It’s a story that I hope to write in entirety someday, but right now all I can seem to say is: My God is so good. His love is deeper than the depths of the sea; He has given back ten-fold more than was taken away. His heart is so for me and my second family that He has brought together His Kingdom just to overwhelm us.

I know it’s only been three weeks, but it feels like three years.

I'm sorry to leave you, my blog friends, hanging. By not posting and by not being able to finish this story. I long to, really I do. But for now, thank you for your prayers. We still need them. [and for me I'll never stop needing them :)]

Jesus is holding us close to His heart. And we are healing from life's circumstances. We will never be the same again.

Much Love,

Alana

twenty-five

2010-11-23T08:40:00.000-08:00

This is probably not my parent's favorite picture of themselves... but I love it. Because it shows how fun and cool they are. I'm just saying... my parents are the coolest parents in the world. Hands down folks.

There are two people in this world who love me more than anyone else.

My parents.

Today, is their twenty-fifth anniversary. That is a beautiful thing. Just the thought of two people loving each other for that long.. is far past amazing.

I couldn't be more grateful for the parents God has given me. Sometimes I'm amazed at how many places I've seen differences in other parents, and been grateful for the way my parents raised me.

I've learned more from them than anyone in the world. I learned how to ride a bike, how to shoot a gun, how to show a sheep, how to drive a tractor...just how to drive. They spent weeks (literally) driving me to music lessons, and even more time reminding me to practice.

My parents showed me how to love Jesus, they taught me what it means to be open, they showed me the path of righteousness. My parents made me into an opportunity taker, they led me to be a woman of faith.

I am who I am because of my parents. And I know they are proud of me.

Daddy, Momma, I love you. And I want the whole world to know it. God in His grace gave me to you, and you to me, I could never repay you for the love you have poured over me all my life. Thank you. For loving God, for loving each other. Thank you for showing me what kind of a parent I wish to be, and for letting God take care of me and lead me where He wants me to go.

You are indeed the best.

All my love,

Alana

Today I'm Feeling...

2010-11-16T11:21:00.000-08:00

Unable to Focus.

"Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly"

I don't know where I'm going right now. I can't see what lies ahead. But I'm giving in. I'm letting go, trusting in the One who sees all things to take care of me.

When I think of Heaven

2010-11-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

I'm coming off of one of those days, the kind that you just wonder why you're depressed. Because life is good. Because life is beautiful. Because your God is good, He's with you and His love is always pouring over you. But still, Satan attacks and you're depressed.

I don't know why today was like that. So tonight I think of Heaven.

I long for the day that life will always be good, beautiful, God will be before my eyes and Satan will be defeated.

When I think of heaven I think of my Granddad, how he is rejoicing before the throne of God. I think of how much he taught me about Jesus, and his love. I think of how bold he was, and how much I wish to smile as much as he did.

I think of Veria, and her zest for life. I think of how she is probably sitting on Jesus knee telling Him to make sure her little sister has a best friend and her brothers are safe. I think of how she is bowing before the King of kings telling Him how grateful she is that He gave her eternal life.

Heaven makes me think of my cousin Emma. I think of how much I want her to be healed, and how unfair it is that she can't be perfect until heaven. I think of the prayers that still go up for her before the throne. I think of holding her hand and telling her I love her. I think of how precious she is to my Father and how His love is so deep for her He allowed her to go through this pain.

I think of my friend Jeff. I think of how when I get to heaven all of my friendships will be like the one I have with him. Cultural difference will vanish and the Kingdom will be all that is before our eyes. I think of how great it is talking to him, how amazing it is to be equal. I think of running around in the rain and trying on hats as brother and sister not worrying because all that offends has really and truly disappeared. That will make heaven really great.

I think of worshiping with Steven, and talking with Nick. I think of dancing with my family and my Grandpa being able to run. I think of Priscilla's back not hurting and being able to eat dairy again. I think of my grandparent's prayers coming true and Ryan being better. I think of my desire to see all 1800 of my students again, even Gary. I think of my siblings and I being every bit of the rascals n such we are and making people laugh. I think of seeing all my friends from around the world I probably will never see again on this earth. I think of how much I want them in heaven with me.

But mostly I think of seeing clearly, of being hugged by my Jesus and never tiring of sitting at His feet. I think of not crying, even as I cry right now. I think of what Kennan said: How heaven will be better than I could ever think.

"For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."

1 Corinthians 13:12

Photo Credit: Nepal Mission Team 2010 and Austin Hanes

The Reality of My World

2010-11-02T21:00:00.001-07:00

It's true, when we are young, the world can't hurt us. Because the world consists of red wagons, slides, kittens, toy trucks and our parents loving arms. But then we grow up. I hate it really. I hate the fact that growing up had to happen. The sad part isn't that the world can now hurt us, but that often our world doesn't grow.

Instead of red wagons there are fast cars, instead of slides there is fast paced job. Instead of loving and protecting arms, there is a void to be filled by whatever satisfies the moment. Each world usually doesn't grow up with the body, it just becomes square instead of rectangle.

The saddest thing I've heard all week is this: Nothing happens, life just goes on. I cried when I heard it. How could someone I love actually have this perspective their story, their life? How could life be reduced to "just going on?" I simply couldn't understand a world so small.

But it made me stop; it made me think about my world. To me, my world is bigger than most. It is very safe to say that is pride talking. I love everything about cross culture, I love defying differences, I love tearing down walls with the Kingdom of Heaven as my alliance. Yet, compared to my God's world, I know nothing, my world is tiny.

Sometimes it requires me crying for someone else to see how much I need to cry for myself. Sometimes it takes a close friend choosing to let their story lose wonder for me to see my story is also fading. Sometimes it takes a jolt of reality to know remember I was not called to judge, but to love.

Tonight, as I write this, I realize my story isn't going to be worth reading if I don't let my world grow. More importantly, my story isn't worth anything unless Jesus Christ is the author. So I cheer on those who are letting Jesus author their stories, and I send out a plea to the rest of us: Wouldn't it be amazing if life couldn't be reduced to "just going on" simply by us letting go and trusting the Creator of the Universe to "grow up" our worlds?

Living He Loved Me

2010-10-27T16:23:00.000-07:00

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

I've been thinking about two things today: Newness and Mud. And this is what came to my heart. So when my over thinking self comes to a conclusion, maybe I'll know how those two things connect and how this beautiful song fits with it all.

New

2010-10-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

This is what unpacking looks like. But I'm proud to report that I am making a dent in it.

It's kinda crazy how hard it is for me to deal with "new." As much as I love new, countries, places, people, adventures, opportunities (I bet you get the point) I'm shy.

Yep. I'm shy. Right now I'm sitting in my room writing a long overdue blog update instead of meeting new people.

Now don't get me wrong, it's great to know all of you are reading my blog, and it's cool to be part of your lives.. or more you a part of mine. But that is really no reason to not meet new people and enjoy new lives.

And it's just because I'm scared. I'm not as "go-getter" as some people think, and for sure, if you think I'm brave, rethink. I'm not.

But the reason that I bring this all up isn't to down grade myself. I will get courage soon and I will go talk to those people. But because I wanted to point out something about love.

I've read, reread, and then read again 2 Corinthians 4-6. I just couldn't find what I knew my heart was looking for. I just couldn't figure out what I was to learn. Then something stood out to me: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (4:18)

The reason I am who I am, a girl who travels to random countries, many times by herself...a photojournalist who asks lots of questions...a connector who longs to see other's visions of advancing the Kingdom of Heaven come to light... is not because I'm a "go-getter."

It's because long ago, my parents introduced me to Love: Jesus. They showed me that loving those who Jesus died for was more important than anything. Doing that--loving--is fixing my eyes on what is unseen.

No matter where you are, no matter your personality, people are what will last forever. So in the midst of my "new" the call is the same. Letting love overcome. These people are worth getting to know. And you never know, maybe someday I'll get to write their stories. Now that would be pretty darn amazing.

ana|senior

2010-10-10T15:44:00.001-07:00

Over the last year of living back in the States, I’ve been given many gifts. One of the greatest has been getting to know Ana.

Ana works at the same coffee shop as I do, she’s funny, smart, full of life.

Friday, I was able to take Ana’s senior pictures. I’m truly amazed at the striking beauty that radiates from her. We had so much fun doing this last minuet shoot before I move and I’m oh so happy we were able to!

We took off after I closed up shop and headed off to find some old buildings and open fields. We did a pretty good job, especially since we've both lived here our whole lives. We should do a good job.

There is no doubt that she is one of the main things I will miss about my life the last year.

I look forward to seeing you at Christmas pretty girl!

[this is my adventure]

2010-10-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

This is my adventure

Which I haven't found yet

The feeling of a feeling

That I have still yet to get

Glow on the horizon

Before I see the sun

A subtle hint of springtime

Before the winters gone

This is the quiet moment

Before I catch my breath

The hope for something better

That I don't quite forget

This is my adventure

Which I haven't found yet

I remember the first time I read that. It made me wonder. Now, almost 2 years later it still does.

I am starting out on a new adventure. I'm beginning a new season.

It's coming in one week.

I'm moving. To "the city," starting a new job, looking for a new church, and living in a different way. I'm moving on to the something else God has for me.

But I can't lie. I'm scared. Yet excited at the same time. Change is beautiful, but hard. I will miss my family, I will miss my costumers at work. I'll miss seeing stars at night. But this adventure, the one that is coming, the one I haven't lived yet, is what I long for. It's beautiful.

God has opened doors, He has made plans, He has set it all into motion. I'm never going to stop being amazed at all He does.

My Life as a Criminal

2010-09-28T14:06:00.000-07:00

I’m laughing. Really. So everyone, laugh.

It cracks me up how small my town is. Everyone knows everyone. Well, at least everyone knows either my dad or my grandparents. Occasionally it’s my mom who’s at fault, but normally it’s the other three. And that is where my story begins.

I was driving home on Labor Day (bad idea I know.) from a wonderful weekend with my cousin Skylar. Just that morning, we had gone to Hobby Lobby and talked about how horrible it would be to speed on Labor Day and get caught. Pretty much can’t do any talking to get out of that. And thus, with this in the back of my mind I started home. It was a four-hour drive. Not bad really, but we had had a great weekend, and being thoroughly sunburned I was pretty tired.

Just for the record, I wasn’t speeding people. Not all the way home. I mean, I do speed sometimes, you know rarely. But I do ok at following the law. So here is my case: I was tired. I was sunburned. And I just wasn’t paying attention. No reason for a ticket right?? Well I guess the officer didn’t agree. And well as Sky and I decided earlier, I got “it” stuck to me.

I was mad. I didn't yell and get dramatic but I was mad. And I informed my dad that if he was going to raise me like him, I was going to get in trouble, and I was not going to be happy with him.

Well to make a long story short, my parents left town. Just up and left, and I had this great horrible thing of having to pay a great amount of money for my great crime.[Yep, that many "greats"] So I sulked into the Judges office ready to give away my life savings. But much to my horror and everyone else’s amusement, the judge walked out of his office, recognized me immediately as my dad’s daughter and said, “What in the world are you getting a ticket for?”

Well it’s written there in black and white. His response was just, “Coming into town?” Yes.

As I proceeded to pay my bill, he stopped me. “How would you like to do community service and save your money?” Considering it’s pretty much all I have, I would do anything. Little did I know how much I would be the maker of every one in the courthouse day.

So early last Wednesday, I walked into the courthouse ready for my punishment. I was assigned to the auditor’s office. Did you know I know everyone in that office, I mean everyone? And if I didn’t know them, they knew me? And did you know they do their far share of speeding in that same area, and haven’t gotten caught? Or that they all enjoyed laughing at me? Did you know I didn’t mind one bit doing their “dirty” work? It was actually fun. But I was oh so happy to be let off with half a day less than first required. And I was oh so happy that I’ve now paid my debt to society and am back in good standing.

My life as a criminal was short. And I actually enjoyed it. Really the humor in it only counts if you were there—Watching me take out the trash and tell everyone how I got half demoted half promoted from reporter to file lady by being tired. Well it was funny.

My advice: don’t speed when you come into my hometown. You should be safe.

Of Jesus and Suffering

2010-09-17T13:38:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book lately called Humanitarian Jesus: Social Justice and the Cross by Christian Buckley and Ryan Dobson. It's been convicting to say the least.

As a humanitarian and social activist, but first a passionate follower of Jesus Christ, I've often struggled with meeting the overwhelming needs of the world AND sharing the wonderful gospel that will meet the greatest need--eternity. There are always questions about lines that should or shouldn't be crossed, there are always toes to be stepped on and opportunities to be passed up.

But the great question to me has always been: is it right? Is it right to not step over the line and share the gospel, is it right to step on toes and take care of physical needs when you are "suppose to" be sharing the gospel? Is it right to pass up an opportunity to share Christ when you are there to give clean water, teach English or even rescue from slavery?

I can't think of how many times I've heard the verse "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me." (Matthew 25:35-36) as the reason Christians should be socially active. It's as if this verse is the heart of Jesus, meeting the needs of people to show them the gospel by loving as Christ loved.

I agree.

But today, I want to leave something to think about, did Jesus always heal? Did Jesus always fix the needs to have people follow him? Was it Jesus goal to take away physical pain and suffering of this world before eternity comes?

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he as anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor." (Luke 4:18-19)

When it comes right down to it, I'm thinking about the order of Christ's purpose. I'm thinking about the main reason Jesus came. What does that mean for my purpose? What does that mean about the church's purpose?

And when the answers come, is there boldness to actually take the action needed?

Home Alone

2010-09-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm not a fan of being alone. I love people much to much.

When I was living in Taiwan, I had an amazing roommate. But as it happened she had some health problems and for several weeks I was without a roommate. One day, I was shocked out of my skin when I was talking to my team leader Davina, in her room and suddenly, her roommate, Sarah, came walking in with my mattress. It was probably the best gift I could have been given right then. Being alone in my room had really been wearing on me, and I needed to be sleeping in Sarah and Davina's room. I love them to this day for it.

I bring this up just because I'm now once again in a room alone. This time I'm okay with it. But what I'm pushing through for the next several days is my loving parents are off on their 25th wedding anniversary cruse. I'm so glad they got to go.... and I'm home alone with the other 5 children.

Let's just say that I really love my parents and I'm SO grateful for them. And to make it a little better I'm keeping a quote log:

"Lana, I'll help you clean up the kitchen!!"

"Lana! You're WRONG! MOMMA does put wipes in the toilet!"

"If I work ahead then I don't have to do ANY school ever again! Right??"

"Alana, your macaroni and cheese wasn't too bad today."

"I want to sit on your lap, no beside you, no on your lap, no beside you. I don't like you!!!"

"I'm sorry, lana, sorry lana, sorry lana. I'll sit on my potty now. I'm sorry lana."

"Where's the lellow broom lana? I'll sweep. Oh I wanna play with my truck!"

"PEACHES!!"

And that's all for now. God is the giver of grace, and well I'm grateful. I'm also grateful for running. And that kids say things that make you have to laugh out loud. That's pretty wonderful too!

-The Nomad

In Honor of Today

2010-09-03T16:30:00.000-07:00

I was digging through archives and found this:

February 2009

There is so much that I could wish for. Really. I mean even though it probably won't come true, wishing that something interesting won't always happen when I travel isn't a bad thing. Because something always happens. And right now I'm sitting in the Kala Lumpier airport watching two very protective looking guards walk around on patrol thinking about what I just lived through.

Looking back, I wish I had just one guy friend there with me, just to be a presence. I wish I had the F-off written on my forehead like P. I wish I knew more about explaining my faith to Muslims. I wish I wasn't so darn available. I almost even wish I didn't have big green eyes and lots of freckles.

His name is Casey. He is from Africa, (very good looking, thick ghetto accent, flashy clothes big earrings in each ear) I don't remember where, somewhere on the west side. All I was doing was observing people, wondering, praying and taking pictures, when he suddenly asked, “Hey do you want to take my picture?” Well, since I'm here taking pictures, sure why not, I love taking pictures of people. So one picture, a little bit of chit-chat and a “Thanks!” and I'll be on my way to walk around and do my own thing. It didn't really work out that way.

Suddenly he was introducing himself, jumping off the ledge he was sitting on and standing a towering 6'4” or 6'5” right in front of me. And he was firing questions at me so quick I nearly couldn't hear all of them. At first all I could think about was being my polite southern raised self and kindly answer the few questions he had and then gently move away. He had more than a few questions, and gently moving away proved to be impossible. In fact after the questions moved from what I did for a living to “How old are you?” and “Do you have a boyfriend?” I really realized that I had for the first just by walking by caused someone to have a crush. And he was very forward about his crush. “Why don't you have a boyfriend?” This led to me telling him where I live, and why I want to have my whole heart there. “Can I have your phone number.” NO. “I don't want to lose contact with you, is there anyway I can talk to you?” Would you please stop asking me those questions? “Oh come one please!?” fine. I'll give you my rarely checked email address. “Where are you going?” To see a friend in Indonesia. “Is it a guy or girl?” You can't lie Alana. A girl.

Okay can I please go now? “Why don't we go over here and talk? I just can't let you go. I mean I've never talked to someone like you before. And did you know that you are so beautiful? Do you believe you're beautiful?” Yes, God made me that way. And dude, you aren't the first guy to tell me that. “God, you believe in God?” Yes, I'm a Christian. Jesus is my Savior. “Oh wow. I love you for that. I mean I believe in god. So lets go sit and talk.” I really want to run, but I'm thinking he's gonna follow me. Alright. “....Okay do you like to play games?” Sometimes. “I have this game that I like to play, I ask you questions and you ask me questions, anything and I have to answer them truthfully.” Okay.... But we have a limit Yeah I'm clever. We can only ask 10. “Okay I'm cool with that.”

He asked me just about everything, from if I believe in love, the romantic kind to who is my best friend, to how many siblings I have to is the Christian God the same as the Muslim God. And I asked him questions, hard ones. Like to him who is Jesus? If he were to die tonight would he go to heaven or hell? If he could change something in the world and make it a better place what would it be? He really didn't have answers for any of my questions. He just tried to talk his way out of things. He told me he was “Chrismilm.” Half Christian, because his mother is Christian. Half Muslim, because his dad is Muslim. I hate to point it out to you dude, but you can't be both. That is one weird combination of a family. Especially a family that stayed together until his father died.

I guess, I also wish I could say that I wasn't taken back when he for the fifth time told me I was just “so beautiful” or “You know I’ve been having lots of dreams lately. About the girl who I know is the one for me. I’ve seen her face clearly, and I know it’s you. So I’m going to ask you—are you the one from my dreams.” Big fat NO there. “No really, I think you are. Are you?” Um No. Really NO. I don’t think so.

Who is this forward anyway?

Over the last hour I was just myself, blunt to the point, sharing my faith as a girl completely in love with Jesus, a world changer, living the life that God has so graciously given me. How did he get to the conclusion that I was the girl of his dreams from that? He was impressed with my life. An English teacher in Taiwan, a photographer, and in his mind a preacher. I pray that he didn't miss that God is the one who gave me everyone of those things. I pray that he will quit seeing me and become impressed with God.

Why did this happen anyway? Could anything more crazy ever happen to me?

Well I finally did get away--but not before 2 more hours where up. And yes, there is more to the story.

Really, I laugh at how many proposal's I've had. This guy did ask me again to go back to Africa with him.. be the girl of his dreams. For serious. [bleck!] I counted up, I've had 5 dead-serious marriage proposals in my life. I'm not counting the ones that old men yelled at me while I was living overseas. All of those guys were wasting their breath, because I haven't said "yes" yet. Who knows maybe the 6th will be the one, it's not going to be coming soon though :)

This story is just for today. Because today is beautiful. And all archives and adventures should be shared. Especially when they are so darn awkward!

Just to wrap up the story I'll add a little more of what I wrote that night.

-Alana

I don't know how God is going to use me being real about Him and not taking any of the crap that Casey dished out as anything important. God is still God. And if my telling some of my passions and a little of my story will somehow make it to Africa and be used by the Spirit to do great things--I don't know. I still can't believe that I lived through that. And no Daddy I have no interest in being the girl of his dreams. No worries.

[rethinking]

2010-08-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

I do lots of thinking. But right now I'm REthinking. And here is the place I'm starting.

More thoughts will come as I think them :)

-lana

And My Heart Sings

2010-08-27T14:10:00.001-07:00

August is a crazy month for my family. We have 4 birthdays, one anniversary, and the inevitable starting back to school. All in ONE month. The only month that rivals it is November, yet when you are in that month, adding another birthday as well as Thanksgiving, somehow August is forgotten. But today, it's August and it's an exciting one at that.

When I was living in Taiwan, my sister Rachel called me and asked me to start praying for our sister Lydia. The reasons were so wise that I did. I've prayed for all my siblings and I always will. But what Rachel was pointing out to me was that Lydia is perceptive. She wanted me to pray because Lydia was looking around her and was really seeing what was going on. And she didn't like it. My Lydia knew she wanted Jesus, but she didn't want the Jesus she was seeing in many people around her who called themselves Christians. She told Rachel that. So Rachel asked me to pray.

Today at work, my mom, dear brother Shep and Lydia came into see me at work. After making them frap's and tea, and Shep and Mom constantly urging Lydia to tell me something, my precious little sister came up to me and whispered in my ear, "Last night, I accepted Jesus."

I'm telling you it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard!

Mom told me that Lydia started asking questions on the 25th. That was my birthday. And last night, she came to the Kingdom. I couldn't have been given a more wonderful birthday present. And Lydia did give me a beautiful bracelet.

One time I was talking with my roommate Priscilla. We decided that there were three reasons for us to pray for those who haven't yet come to the Kingdom of Heaven. First, because they are lost, they need Jesus no matter who they might be. Second, would be because they are close to us, family, friends. And third is because they will do great damage to Satan's earthly kingdom when they come. Well my friends, Lydia is in all of those reasons. And now she is part. I couldn't be happier.

Really and truly.

Brave

2010-08-23T05:17:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it. I think I'm brave. But I'm not really. There are parts of my heart that are just hard to share. There are stories that seem to hurt more than help. But I need to share this story. Because even if I'm not brave, Veria was. And for that reason here is part of her story.

July 15, 2010
Sometimes in life, very special gifts have been given us. God for some reason decides to give us gifts we don’t deserve. One’s that we have no business explaining. July second I was given a special gift. Sitting in the back of a green Russian van, moments after I arrived in Volgograd, was a little girl: Tayna and Olog’s beautiful daughter Veria.

Never have I seen a little girl with a bigger smile, never have I met someone who could store nine feet of attitude into a 3 ½ foot body. Veria screamed, “I’m precious!” And she is.

The first Sunday morning July 4 2010, of our stay, I began to see one little part of this amazing little one. All of the American’s had gotten up to speak, now it was Kyle and Irena’s turn. So up to the front of the church they went, their son Daniel in tow. With Daniel being one and a half, he pretty much did not appreciate standing up in front of a church while his parents spoke about their vision for this camp. So up came Veria. She sat on the stage and played with Daniel, sometimes bothering him, but still for the most part keeping him out of trouble. Right then and there I saw it: Veria loves to mother.

That proved so true during all of camp. Time after time, that little girl would go up to the two little Daniels we have and just pick them up. Sometimes they would want to go play with her; sometimes it would be more of a fight. But that didn’t keep Veria from wanting to love like a mother, or trying her hardest to be the one in charge. On occasion that effort even extended to the children at camp who were quite capable of taking care of themselves, and never did it end anything less than comical.

And most of the funny came from Veria’s sassy, and way to cute attitude. This is the little girl who got up in the morning with enough energy to be electricity for the entire camp. She is the go-getter of a little girl who doesn’t stop for anything, the girl who got more bee stings than anyone else, just because she doesn’t believe in being passive.

She is the older sister who will annoy her younger siblings just because she loves them. She is horrible with names; she doesn’t hesitate to find a way to have her way. This little girl is the most beautiful center of childhood. At the river one day, she ran up to her little sister and grabbed her float only saying, “Thank you Christine, I’m sure you don’t need it!” Time after time, she would be the one showing off the frogs she had caught, and time after time she and Timothy would be the ones to try to light them on fire, then regret their decision, only to do it again later. She was fascinated with camera’s, I’m still not sure how many times she had to be told that Alana’s camera was too heavy and to expensive for her to use.

Mixed into Veria’s love and dominating attitude about life, is a little girl who loves with all of her heart. She is the little girl who gives the best hugs. She even gives fantastic Valentines. All of us were sitting up in our room, when suddenly there is a knock on the door and Veria’s little head peaked in. She went straight to Katey and started talking about how the valentine she had in her had was for Rachel, and giving Katey a hug when Katey “Oh no, over there is Rachel!” A “woops!” came out of Veria’s mouth before she jumped over to give the valentine to Rachel. Hugs and a thank you later, Veria disappeared out the door, only to reappear two minutes later with a valentine for Katey!

I fell in love with this little girl. She just took the bull by the horns and always won. She would talk away to me in Russian like I knew the language, then if I didn’t understand her, she would just talk louder and start dragging me places. She was always taking pictures, always smiling. Veria is a little girl who is secure in the fact she was chosen. That would be because Veria is adopted. Veria is wanted, loved and free because of the love of her family and God.

On July 15, 2010 just two days after I told Veria’s homeland goodbye, I got a phone call. Vera and her family were on the way to see her grandmother and they were in a car wreck. Veria went home to be with Jesus.

Tears are still streaming down my face. I just don’t know how to answer the questions that are pouring through my heart and mind. God why could this possibly be part of your plan? Why Veria, couldn’t you use something else? Please God don’t tell me this will be the reason that some will turn away from you? Please tell me this is the miracle we asked for so all the students at camp could come to know you? Can you tell me why this precious family had to be hurt? Can you please tell me why?
August 23, 2010
I still don't have the answers. I don't think I ever will. This summer has been a struggle. I've asked more questions of God and been extremely faithless. But God has remained faithful. All I know today is this family has been given more grace than imaginable. They have been given life again. I know they still have questions. I know they still hurt, but God in His goodness is giving hope. Even if I can't find answers, at least I do have hope.

Today I Write

2010-08-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

A far away place visited.

Over the last couple of days I’ve felt numb. Sort of dazed from like I was just hit in the head with a baseball. Today is my third 11-work day in a row. Tomorrow will be a welcomed 9-hour day for sure. I’ve been sitting in my lovely little coffee shop flipping through books and watching the carpet get cleaned. I’ve taken orders and vacuumed the floor, all while not really thinking.

There is so much to process from the last couple of months. I think that’s why I haven’t been really taking anything in or really responding.

But today I write.

Because my life is beautiful. Because Jesus has made it beautiful.

There are stories of amazing people, pictures to show. There are lessons learned and far away places visited.

So today I write.

[Title Goes Here]

2010-08-14T21:48:00.000-07:00

So as not to make people think I've been lost forever--I'm updating.

In the last week I've traveled far enough north to see the aurora borealis and far enough south to see the Brazos River. I've said goodbye to my sister Sarah moving to college and my team of Taiwanese girls I was privileged to invest in for a month. I went to a baseball game and was reminded of how big my God is. I stopped over at my house for 36 hours and celebrated 3 birthdays and I ate breakfast with Kristen and Priscilla in Ft. Worth.

Now I'm back with my family. For a whole week and a half.

[Go ahead and leave comments about how much of a gipsy I am. I would just love the comments :)]

Over the last month I've learned so much. I have so many stories to tell. But because I'm about to fall asleep, yet I still have several people to talk to tonight I'm just going to leave what I wrote for VOICE as my lessons learned.

“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” 1 Thessalonians 4:20

When I came to V2 I never thought I would learn the lessons I have. What God had for me was nothing like I expected. I thought I would know how to handle everything this program had for me—I thought I knew what it took to be a leader. But those expectations were destroyed. God knew I needed to be taken back to the first step in becoming a leader.

Before a servant’s heart, before good character or learning to make an appeal, I needed to learn to actually see God as my reality. God used V2 to prove Himself faithful of my trust. He took away what I thought I knew about Him and replaced it with who he really is. V2 showed me who my Hero really is; He alone is worthy of my trust. Despite circumstances, pressures, and pain in this life I’ve learned God has created me to be His leader. I’ve learned Jesus desires most for me to not be offended of Him and his plan. What God has placed in my life or how he has created me is perfect.

I needed to see God as worthy of my trust and my worship again. I needed God to prove that he is my Everything. I couldn’t be more grateful that God destroyed my expectations of who He is at V2. Because seeing God again has shown me that he is faithful, and despite my weakness He does use me, no matter how much I have doubted that reality.

pictures

2010-07-18T15:48:00.000-07:00

I know I've left everyone hanging, and I'm sorry. I'm not really ready to give the reason just yet, but know that I do have a reason for not getting pictures up in a more timely manner.

I hope you love a few of these from camp, more are coming soon!

Alana

Dear Volgograd,

2010-07-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, in the Houston airport. I'm just waiting for my flight that will take me back to the rest of my family. I'll be home for about 20 hours. Then it's off to the next thing.

The next thing is called VOICE. I get to spend the rest of my summer as a V2 student, working and loving Taiwanese students! I'm uber excited, even though at the moment that looks like me in much need of sleep :) So with another trip upon me, I will post one more thing from Russia before pictures take over.

Dear Volgograd,

It was like I couldn't get away from you. Almost like you were holding me there. But now I've landed in Moscow and I miss you.

I know why my sister loves you so much. Your heart is great, your people strong. You have not let disaster keep you from rising up again.

I just want you to know, I believe God blesses each land and city with something special. You, Volgograd, have been blessed with courage. Courage to begin again, courage to endure, courage to strengthen your hearts. Your courage is deep and it is lasting. Someday, I know your courage will give you the faith to believe. Someday, your courage will give you the faith to believe. Someday, your courage will give you the hope to love.

I know all this because I know the Giver of your courage. He is faithful and just, He will heal your broken hearts and never leave you alone. The Giver is Holy, perfect in every way, yet He loves you enough to have died for you. His mercy is that great, and the passion He has for you that consuming. Volgograd, every country I've been to has been fantastic, I would do every trip again. But not all of those places have made me long to return. You have taken a piece of my heart.

I love you because my sister loves you, but also because you are worth loving. Someday I hope to return. But if that day never comes, know I'm praying for you. I see you raising up as a city and being a strong and courageous haven for the broken, all for the glory of God!

Jesus loves you Volgograd, each and every one of you. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. You cannot come to the Father but through Him. God promises believers that He will give them the desires of their hearts. One of my desires is that you know Him. Really and truly know Him.

Love,

Alana

On the Way

2010-07-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

As Uncle Larry says, "if you have time to spare, go by air." We waited in the plane, I would say at the gate, but in Vgrad you walk out the door, get on a bus with all the other passengers, ride out to the plane and climb on board. I'm not sure of the temperature today, close to 100 my guess, but plenty hot, none the less. They were having "technical difficulties" the flight attendant told us in her limited English and we waited for 1 1/2 hours. It is amazing, though, that we were only 40 minutes late into Moscow. :)

This country is still amazing to me. That's such a bland statement for such a vast and varied country, but really, finding the words to describe my feelings is too hard at this moment. (Maybe that's because it's almost midnight here.)

We found a true treasure in our extended family members here that just happen to live in a different culture and speak a different language. They live. They love. They have hurts and joys. They really aren't much different than most of us and I hope the biggest similarity is that it is evident that they love Jesus and are desiring to make a difference in this world.

Let's continue on...

Karen

The Return

2010-07-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

And so we have come back from camp. There are no words to describe the wonder of what happened this last week. If I could pick one word it would be potential.

This last week was filled with potential. Students who have potential, potential for the future, potential for the Kingdom. It's like when God gave this idea for a camp for college students He was giving a wide open door.

Okay, so I know you all are probably waiting for someone else to update besides me, trust me their coming. I will be making Mom do one tomorrow ;) But I am writing stories and beginning to gather from the somewhere around 1000 pictures ones that you will fall in love with.

Much love to you all!

Rollie, Ann, Karen and Alana

Volgograd!

2010-07-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

Here I sit, in my SISTER'S house! This is AMAZING!

I've already met the most amazing people, one of them being Katey, my sister's partner. We've seen the great sights, had lemonade with ice in it, talked about everything sisters get to talk about only when they are together, had coffee at one amazing coffee shop (and a fried banana!! yeah baby.)

Being with my sister is fantastic. Really I love it.

Tomorrow we are heading to church and then to camp. We wont have internet at all while we are camp, but updates will be written and they will be posted when we get back to town. Thank you so much for all your prayers, the big part of this trip starts tomorrow and we are so grateful everything you have. (I get to help sing in front of people... oh dear) Being here and seeing the excitement of the team is making us even more excited. I love it!

Much love to everyone who is somewhere else!

Alana

P.S.- Pictures will come--and there will be LOTS of them!

Moscow

2010-07-02T11:51:00.000-07:00

We made it! And I have to say that it was completely uneventful. Much to the surprise of some of my traveling buddies, I do assure you (what can I say? my reputation proceeds me!)

Today is July 2, 2010. It's almost over for me, now that I've skipped ahead 9 hours. I'm in a new country, seeing it with new eyes. This place--Russia--is majestic my friends.

We arrived around 2 this afternoon, right on schedule and had no trouble at all getting through customs. We were met, as planned, by our taxi driver, and taken to the hotel. Then of course, I was hungry, imagine that.

And so with our trusty tour guide we set off, in search of food, knowledge, touristy places and ways to get over jet lag. It's been forever since I've been in this part of the world. When I walked off that plane, I felt weird seeing so many who look so much like me, and I felt like I needed to be saying what little I can in Chinese just because I can't understand what everyone else is saying.

I think me being gone so long from the Russia area of the world helped today. I was looking again. Yes, as soon as I stepped off the plane, cigarette smoke and people shoving at my backside reminded me exactly where I was. I did see way too many guys with too short of shorts on, and wonder how on God's green earth anyone could wear 6 inch hills for at least three miles--EVER! Culture differences always amaze me, and never do I mean any disrespect.

I saw buildings that were so amazing I just wondered at the people who built them, I walked on streets that were much older than my entire country. I looked at statutes of people who lived long before any of my traceable genealogy came into play and I saw things that can only be labeled as "the best".

But you see friends, no matter how majestic this country is, no matter how old the buildings or good the music is here, what I saw more than anything today was people. People who can't seem to smile, people who are looking for Someone. People who are living their lives without any regard for what they could be.

No matter how beautiful and great this country is, it doesn't always give purity to the people. No matter how old of tangible things you can find, or security inside of walled cities, that doesn't mean that love is present, or that eternity is truly safe. No matter how much looking for love through others, it will never fill the true void in so many hearts.

Today, I saw again with new eyes. I saw a different people, a potential filled people. I saw thousands of walking stories. I saw hundreds of searching eyes. I'm here, not because I'm better or more advanced, because I'm not. I'm here because I have been given a gift. I have been given Jesus. My joy is complete, and theirs can be too.

This adventure has gotten off to a huge start and we aren't even to Volgograd yet! Pray that our eyes will see the lives, the voids that are in them, and that we will be the light of Jesus that will fill all the empty places and give the greatness each one of them deserves. Because really, no matter how funny it is to be the "stupid" American who drops all their leader papers all over the floor, it's really not what I wish to be remembered by.

-Alana and the team

P.S. There are fire works going off outside my window. It makes me think of a land I love, so very much. A place where people have stories also.

The Adventures in Not Waiting

2010-06-29T08:34:00.000-07:00

We're down to the final days/hours/minutes, however you want to state it really, before we leave. As soon as we get ourselves packed I think things will start getting back to normal. But I really wasn't aiming to talk about the trip right now....

I think I'm hard headed. I'm just judging by how long it takes me to learn a lesson.... Sunday morning I started to get this feeling that I was in a place of waiting. Waiting for the time to pack, waiting my "new" adventure to start, waiting for some friend to tell me something new, waiting for the world to turn. Waiting, waiting, just waiting. I knew I had an adventure coming, and not only that I was looking for it... but while I was seeking that adventure, I quit living the one right now.

There have been too many comments as of late. About me, my life, what I do, how I do it, whatever, for me to comfortable any more. I think it's a good thing. Different people all came together to teach this lesson.

While waiting for my next adventure and looking hard for excitement in my small town, I quit living the adventure I have here, now.

Stopped.

So when the comments came, the lesson followed.

Adventure isn't about looking, but about living. The best adventure you could ever have is what is closest to you. Waiting for excitement is going to make you miss out on what is already exciting around you.

For the first time, I'm not just ready to leave; I'm ready to stay. I wish I could be here to get closer to my new friends I met just yesterday. I wish I could tell the stories of two amazing people, at this point I hardly know. I wish that I could see each day like I saw yesterday--full of life and adventure I love. I wish I could have the guts everyday to love with an open heart here in the States as I do everyday International. I wish I were open to hearing the heart of others, because yesterday I was amazed. Really amazed.

My God is the God of the impossible, His ways are higher than mine. And once again He has proven that I just don't always know what I'm talking about. I don't have to be away to have a adventure filled life, I just have to be aware. I don't have to be doing something else; I just have to be doing.

Waiting isn't worth it. Living is.

O.N.E Week!!

2010-06-23T05:58:00.001-07:00

In just one week the crazy part of the summer adventures begin.

We're GOING INTERNATIONAL!! (this time it's not just me and the mouse in my pocket it's me and my mom and two other amazing people!)

And guess what?! Here is where you need to be to get updates on the whole ordeal!

The goal is to update everyday.... but you know how that might go. I'll be assigning team members to different days of the trip so you won't be getting tired of hearing only my perspective.

Details and prayer requests:

We will be teaching an English camp in Volgograd, Russia, July 1-13, 2010
The camp is for college students ages 16-29
Please pray that our presents at the camp will give opportunity for Jesus be shared and the gospel to be spread.
Pray for save travel and the ability to get over jet lag quickly

Today I'm armed with a massive todo list and a good cup of coffee. It is a day to be insurmountably productive!

So I best be going, but I thought I would leave you all with an explanation of the picture of the family. Talk about a great life story: this family has one. Crazy in love with God and life, these people have more than a few stories about all they have done for the Lord.

I'm out!

-lans

rain

2010-06-16T09:04:00.001-07:00

I love rain. I always have.

Maybe it's because I'm a farmers daughter. Maybe it's because I was an island dweller. But no matter, I still love it.

Rain has always been a sign of healing to me. That, I know, is because I was an island dweller. Yes, I know that rain refreshes the ground, it allows the crops to grow, it gives nourishment and life.

But to me, it's healing.

This last week, the weather around my home, that I have always known as a dry part of the country, has been thunder storms that have brought floods. One night we got so much rain practically every house in town had water in it. 5-7 inches in one night. (That's quite a lot in the Texas Panhandle.)

Rain can also mean danger and pain.

But I think danger and pain is part of healing. I think that without those things healing can't happen. I think that rain is suppose to sooth at times with simple drizzle, and sometimes with pain from flash floods. I think that when dangerous rain comes, is the only time the rainbow is really seen. I think that the aftermath of a storm is what actually brings beauty.

I think life is a lot like rain.

Without danger, without pain there is no beauty. I think that to rejoice when the rain of life comes to sooth, to nourish, and to give is required and should be cherished. Simply and comforting healing is beautiful. But the rains of life that bring pain, actually bring more beauty. The rains of life that show danger actually equal more reward.

My life has given danger, it's been beautiful to undertake. My life has given pain, and I'm seeing more freedom come than ever before. My life has given comforting healing and it was a welcome relief. My life is like rain.

And my God is the same God who sends the rain. Just like I can't understand His sovereignty in sending rain in harvest, I can't understand His sovereignty in pain. I don't know what His plan is from this present danger. But if I trust Him, the same result will come in my life as comes from rain.

It's a promise.

circumstances

2010-05-31T14:30:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since I last wrote. I've been meaning to get back to this, really I have. But I have to admit I'm really afraid of writing. It sounds silly, I know, but I am. Never in a thousand years would I have thought that to come to the place of contentment and happiness and then telling the world about it would open the door for Satan to really attack me. But it did.

Right now I feel like a bird with a broken wing that little boys are throwing rocks at. It's painful, this thing called life. In just two weeks everything I knew went out the window. I became undone. I pretty much failed.

But today I guess you could say things are "looking up"--whatever that means. Basically I'm moving on. The last couple of weeks circumstances have become my greatest burden. I'v fallen flat on my face. The attack and resulting stress has even made my usual love of food vanish. But today I've overcome my circumstances. Because my God is great enough to do this for me. He is giving me so much love and grace, I can see the finish line. Well, the finish line for this part of the race. And I'm going to make it. By the power of the Almighty I will make it.

I know this attack is not over. But the thing is, the evil one can't win, my Jesus has already. I don't know if I will ever be abel to write about my time spent broken on my face. I do know that God is giving me testimony right now. I do know He is cementing my beliefs. So when I do start writing about my soon coming amazing summer adventures, you can know that I've made it across the finish line. And if I start writing about all I've been learning, before the summer adventures, you can know I was able to walk, not just crawl across the line. But if that time never comes, know that Jesus is still my lover, He is still my all, and if it weren't for Him you wouldn't have ever heard from me on here again.

Sometimes, my friends, the whole picture is never meant to be seen.

alana

The Life Lived

2010-05-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

Isn't it wonderful that even when the whole picture can't be seen it can still be beautiful?

Well, I think so friends.

I think it's safe to say that I've completed an epic fail at posting this first half of the month. I had a good reason, but I can't say that it's one I want to share. So we shall just leave it at that.

I've come to the conclusion that life is complicated. I don't think I've ever been so happy in a place I'm unhappy. Crazy right? I know that doesn't make sense, but I do have a point. I think I'm content. Finally. For sure.

It really couldn't have come at a better time. If I were content earlier, I would have stopped searching and fighting for the things God has placed on my heart. If it came later, I would have missed out on living my last month and a half at home this summer to the fullest.

I guess you could say this is an "update on my life" post. And trust me, this last weekend was so amazing, it needs to be written about. Although I boycotted shooting, so there are no pictures, I hope you can see a little of life for me right now.

I went to Ft. Worth this weekend just for the heck of it. Really, nothing other than friends took me down there. It was fantastic. I love hanging out with friends at lake houses talking and playing board games, staying up late and building bond fires. I met new people who just love on you like you are the best thing in the world. I really wish I could be more like my new friends Kate and Hailey. Their hearts are so huge and they are so welcoming. I spent time with old friends, and saw more of their hearts and wished I could be more like them too. When I came home I felt relaxed. I haven't felt that in a long time.

Thursday night when I got down there Kristen and I went to see Robin Hood with the boys. It was great. [and I'm not giving a movie review, just saying I loved it.] But before that we were at Roots while Kristen worked and I did school and talked to amazing people. Every time I'm down there I meet new people--who are worth meeting. I love it.

But as great as last weekend was, nor how needed it was, I think I became content before that. Just not long before that. If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I would be happy in my home town so far away from my main circle of friends and the market I would need for what I'm doing with my life I would have told you no. Yes, I would say I love being with my family, because it's true, but I wouldn't have said I was or would be happy. But I am.

God has given me so much here and other places. I've made many connections, I've gotten the privilege of loving on so many people. My heart has been picked up and moved to/from different circles here in town. I've left behind some things and found even better blessings. I've changed, I've grown, I've started fighting for issues God has called me to change.

I've become audacious.

This life is wonderful. My time left at home will be fantastic. I'm learning to live. And by that I mean I'm learning to let Jesus live for me. The last three months have been some of the hardest I've ever faced. I've never been more stressed or had to deal with more difficult situations. But because I do serve Jesus doors have opened. More than ever before in my life. God has blessed my life because He loves me, and I am following Him.

Kristen said something this weekend about how embracing the changed God has for us is the hardest thing ever, but doing so is what will keep our lives worth living. If I would have moved back to Taiwan, I would have had another amazing year. But it wouldn't have been because I was called, it would have been because I knew God had used me before. And not a good reason. I'm just so grateful that even though it was hard, stressful and tiring I came back to the States. I'm so glad I followed God.

This life is being lived. Crazy or insane as it might be, it is being lived. Because Jesus is the One who is truly giving me that life.

I never would have imagined.

prayer

2010-05-06T06:55:00.000-07:00

Today is Thursday May 6, 2010.

I don't really know how today will be remembered for the rest of time.

But I do know what I'm thinking about today.

Today is the United States of America's National Day of Prayer.

Prayer is such a funny thing. It's something that can be banished, yet it's freedoms can't be denied. Prayer can't lose power, yet it's power can remain unclaimed.

Today is a day for God's people to come together to pray.

I know there are threats to the freedom of prayer, be there are also still promises. And there is still power. Pray for America, pray for the world. And then make those prayers action, go and change the world. There is power in prayer.

"If my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." 2 Chronicles 7:14

writers block

2010-04-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

I am a writer.

I have writers block.

But it's not because I don't know what to write about, it's because I don't know HOW to write it. Heavy burdens are on my heart. Happy thoughts dance through my head. Ideas and theories are on my mind. Memories are about to make me burst. Excitement has put joy in my path.

But I don't know how to write.

So, in an effort to just put something up here I , quote Nickleback. "Today's a gift, not a given."

No matter how great, hard, gruesome or humorous my day was, it was a gift. I'm sorry I don't know HOW to write it. Because you would probably laugh and cry. Maybe even at the same time.

Life is a gift.

And despite my writers block, God is still writing my story. Yours too :)

Greatness

2010-04-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

My God showing off His abilities to make beauty. Pretty darn cool.

I've been thinking a lot about greatness lately.

It's one of those things I do. Think, that is. [not always in the moment, but most assuredly in hindsight.]

Over the last couple of days I've been counting the number of people I know who are greatness in real life. It's one of those tasks that can be hard or easy, just depending on your view of life or the circumstances you find surrounding you. Thankfully, I didn't have a hard time coming up with a list.

Greatness is my dad. Really, you don't have to look too hard to realize it. He loves people, he desires to make others successful. And he's wise. Really wise.

And my best friend Kristen. She is greatness. She abounds with life. She runs toward challenges not from them. She has the most incredible patient faith.

Greatness was my team in Hualien. I could not have asked for 3 more amazing people to live and serve with. Hearts wide open, love pouring from the deepest love for Jesus. Hardships conquered with prayer. Complete trust to let Jesus break their hearts, just so He could heal them.

My friend Tabitha in Nepal, told me that it was okay if God never gave her her greatest dream. Because she really wanted to love her people, in her country, the people right around her. She said that it doesn't matter if she makes bad grades because she won't worship the Hindu gods at her school, her God is more important. She is greatness.

I have more I could list. But there is one that I really want to talk about. It's called LOVE146.

My friend Caleb told me about LOVE146 last July, and I've been excited about it ever since.

LOVE146 is greatness.

An organization that is fighting for the end of child sex slavery and exploitation around the world, LOVE146 is providing safe environments for children who have been rescued from slavery, prompting networking to prevent future exploitation and providing great research to abolish slavery world wide.

Human trafficking has become a great passion of mine. I know that I've not been a huge advocate of it, but all of my past theory posts and the Asia January gallery is all about abolishing human trafficking. It's hard for me to share my heart with the world at large, but after thinking about this I had to get the courage to actually *talk* about what God has given me a passion for.

So here is the talk. In the months of May and June, LOVE146 is doing a campaign to raise money to add to their already strong efforts against sex slavery and exploitation. It's called TREAD ON TRAFFICKING the goal is for as many people as able to take the next couple of months to get back into shape after winter (around where I live, it was one loooong one) while raising money to stop human trafficking. I am participating in this quest, and I'm giving you an opportunity to participate too.

Here's what you can do:

I need people to sponsor the miles that I will be running. It doesn't matter how much you can give. If it's a penny a mile or a dollar a mile, everything counts and is worth it.

If you are interested, you can send me an email at gracymiller@gmail.com or leave a comment.

My friends this is your chance to make a difference. Human trafficking is the number one crime in the world. It's estimated 27million people are bound in slavery. LOVE146 is helping to change that. And we can help them.

This world needs people who are greatness. Time after time I've walked right past the opportunities to be just that. I don't want to do it this time.

'lana

2010-04-22T19:34:00.000-07:00

brothers. who happen to have more energy and much better looks than me :)

I love them muchly.

Kept

2010-04-19T19:21:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to update for quite sometime, and trust me, I do have some thoughts and more stories to share. But, life has had me running crazy as of late.

This morning I was reading Jude, and the second part of verse one said this: "To those who have been called, who are loved by God the Father and kept by Jesus Christ:"

I have to admit, huge comfort came to me in reading that. "kept by Jesus Christ"

Yes I am a full time student. But I am kept by Jesus Christ.

I am leading a team on an overseas mission trip this summer. But I'm being kept by Jesus.

Yes, I do spend about 6 hours a week on projects to fight human trafficking--But my Jesus is keeping me.

My family does have many stresses right now with health and the school year coming to an end, But we are being kept by Jesus.

I am doing a fantastic program and being mentored in my photography, that does take up much of my time yet all the while not only am I kept by Jesus, but I'm loved by God.

I work as a barista, and have many other projects, and Jesus is keeping me. Close to His heart.

My friends, I just wanted to share this with you, not because I want to promote my insane schedule (I really don't recommend this life), but because I know you're lives are just as crazy. But you too can be kept by Jesus Christ. He is weaving together a beautiful work in your life, don't doubt it. Life will bring challenges, surprises, more than we can handle. But since we can't see what God is weaving out of our lives, my prayer for us all is that we will be able to trust in the fact that we are loved by God the Father and kept by Jesus Christ.

-alana

[from the journals] August

2010-04-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

The van came to a sudden halt, apparently we were “here.” Here was the church, orphanage, pastor’s home and second floor belongs to someone else. A busy place.

“Hello!” was heard as the van door was thrown open, and all our mouths were just as ajar. There in front of us was a dirty half built brick building that hardly could be called such. Three little boys stood in front of the half wall that sort of surrounded it. August was the tallest, and the first to extend a welcome.

What was most amazing about August was his English. No doubt about it. The “I’m glad you’re here!” “I can help you” “Can we sing?” “I like ‘This is the Day’ best.” Pretty much blew us away. August is about 11 years old. And he made sure you didn’t call him “Austin.” No, his name is August.

The first night we were in Kathmandu, he was always popping his head in and out. It didn’t take long to find out he was not part of the orphanage, but lived on the second story of the building with his family. It also didn’t take long to see he was loving having 12 playmates living under him, and that he enjoyed knowing their songs and stories. Really, August was what made the team feel at home the first night.

The second morning was beautiful. We went on a walk and came back to the church to play with the children while we waited for the bus to head to the first conference. August took to the camera, he loved being able to talk to us about it, hoping that we would trust him enough to let him shoot a couple of pictures. And a few times I did.

He would reach out and grab the strap, slide it over his head and carefully lift the viewfinder to his eye. His aim was bad and he was afraid to work the zoom. But he loved it! One time I made a deal with him, “Okay, you can take a picture of me, but I can take on of you too, okay?” “Okay.

So I got on his level, and he took my picture, then I told him to lean against the wall, and smile. He did, and his picture was captured.

I didn’t know that when I told August goodbye and he said “You will be back in 5 days time right?” that I would never see him again. I really thought he would be at the house to greet me when I came back to Kathmandu. I don’t know where August went, I don’t know why I didn’t see him in my last three days in the country. But I do know I learned from him.

When you sing, do it at the top of your lungs. When you clap make sure your hands hurt when you are finished. When you give hugs, give them with your heart behind it. When you say hello, do it with a huge smile on your face. And when you ask questions, desire the answers.

God will take care of August. I know He will. But still I will pray for him as often as I can. This little boy has love on his side. And even if I never see him again, I know there is a Savior who is chasing after him, who wants to know him, and would go to such great lengths as putting a pastor and his church right below his family. Even giving him 12 orphaned playmates. God WANTS August. I pray with all my heart that He will receive him.

oh, the best friend right?

2010-04-07T07:41:00.000-07:00

Me teaching English in Nepal. It really has nothing to do with the post, just a picture of something I love. Oh and it's in a place I love too! I believe Marcus Wilson took this picture.

I have a new hero. His name is Jonathan. He’s that guy who's known for being best friends with that guy named David who happened to be the “man after God’s own heart.”

I’ll add that I think Jonathan was also a “man after God’s own heart,” it’s just that God’s plan for him was so much different than David’s. Maybe that’s why he is my new hero. Jonathan wasn’t ever destined to be in the limelight like David was. Instead, he lived his life on the edge, loving the man who was to take his fame while realizing that he was to die so that man could take his inheritance. Pretty epic if you ask me.

But what I admire so much about Jonathan is the gumption he had. I mean how many of us, knowing that someone was to take all that we were ‘created to be,’ would work to make them our best friend—and then willingly die so they could have everything? Not very many.

But Jonathan did. And he did so much more than that.

I Samuel 14:1-23 is worth reading. It will only take you about 5 minutes so just go read it.

I’m one of those people who have read this before, but the wonder and insanity of the story never stood out to me until today. Jonathan gets tired of waiting around, so with his only back-up being his trusty armor bearer, he takes off in to the Philistines camp without telling anyone—by way of climbing a cliff. His reasoning: “Perhaps the LORD will act on our behalf.”

Um, I don’t think I would have had that courage.

“Nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few.”

I don’t want to spoil the story, but to live by that faith and courage is what I long for. The moral of this post is just this:

Think about your life, think about what it is that God has destined you for, and think about the gumption you might need to get it done. And then rethink how you’re living. Folks, God didn’t call us to ‘play it safe.’ The Bible isn’t filled with stories about people who worked hard to keep bad things from happening—more like the polar opposite. It’s filled with stories of people who went looking for trouble. And then found victory.

Today, I’m rethinking the way I want to live. Daring is kinda the goal now.

[from the journals] Hope Now

2010-04-03T11:47:00.000-07:00

For the next couple of weeks, to go along with Asia January being exibited I will be posting some of the stories of the people who's pictures are part of the collection. It's my hope that you all will get to experience and see a part of a people who can change your life!

[journal entry 01.18.10]

There will always be times in this life when I feel like I’ve almost been cheated. I felt like that this morning, when we left Kawosati. I left behind a people who will be in my heart for a long time. So I write their stories, I write so I can remember and so they can be known. It is her story I want to write most, so as I close my eyes and remember her pink, almost red, skirt blowing slightly in the wind, I pour out my heart over who she has become to me.

“Hope Now”

I don’t even know her name. I don’t know where she’s from. I don’t even know what cast she is—just that it is not very high. But for as long as I live I will remember her, especially her eyes.

Pure eyes, hopeful eyes, eyes that betrayed the sorrow on her face and showed the freedom within.

Everyday she was dressed in all red. She didn’t have a change of clothes. Almost always her shawl was wrapped around her head and she looked downward to the extreme. But when she smiled, everything changed. She was radiant!

One of the first times I remember seeing her was at the worship service on Saturday, a piece of paper in front of her and an intent look on her face as she took notes. I remember her praying, on her face before the King of Kings. It was beautiful.

I had never seen her smile, not on Saturday, not on Sunday. But at lunch on Saturday I took out my camera, just so I could take some portraits. She was sitting on the long bench with the rest of the women. I was working my way down the line, because everyone wanted to have a picture of ‘just me.’ When I got to her, at first she shook her head, telling me no. I gave her my best ‘pretty please?’ look and after a hesitant half smile she let me.

What surprised me and almost made me cry was the smile that lit up her face when I had the camera to my eye. Before she was a girl who looked sad from a distance, but now she had the hope that was so evident in her eyes all over her face.

In a moment my camera gave me a gift I never would have received alone. It gave me a glimpse into the heart of a young girl who walked 10 hours to hear foreigners speak. A heart that had more than it’s share of sorrow, yet still clung fast to the Hope that was in Jesus Christ. My camera allowed me to capture hope in a rare form, hope that is alive. Hope that can’t die.

When Sunday came, and our team sat about to wash the feet of everyone at the conference, I got the privilege of washing her feet. She humbly sat in front of me and slid her sandals off. She was uncertain when I picked up her foot, but still released it willingly. Her feet were calloused and cut. It was evident she had walked many miles to get to the church. Her feet told a story all in themselves, of a hard life, one that continually was a struggle to survive. But when I looked up to her face, a single tear slid down and she smiled at me, thanking me with her eyes.

This girl is precious to Jesus. And just because she came into my life she is precious to me. It is impossible to see so much pain overcome by hope and not be changed. Her story is like so many others in this world. Stories that long to be told, that truly can change the lives of hundreds of thousands of people. This girl, who is nameless in the story, has the ability to hope in the moment. Right now.

I hope to someday know her name. I hope to someday hear her tell all of her story. But for now, I am praying what is known of her story will touch lives. That people will see the beauty she has in her ability to hope. And be changed.

2010-04-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

So I'm really shy on video, but here is the cool thing in my life right now. Forgive the web cam effect (please?!)

[The gallery will be showing April 1- May 27 and the official opening is April 11th at 2pm, come by!]

-lans

Easter Week

2010-03-28T19:09:00.000-07:00

I sit here tonight Asian style, praying. It's pretty terrific really.

I'm praying through life. I'm praying through upcoming trips, I'm praying through where God is leading me. I'm asking for grace for new deep wounds, and for healing to come again.

And then I I'm just praying. Just sitting with God.

This week is the week we celebrate the wonder of what our Maker has done for us. I could write a book about it if I had the time.

This week, 2000 years ago, Jesus, the pure and perfect one died. But He did not stay dead. He CAME BACK TO LIFE! And He lives today!

This is the reason I sit with God. Because the wonder of the beauty of what Jesus has done for me has come back tonight.

I read 1 Corthians this morning. This stood out "All God's promises are 'yes' in Christ..."

The reason this verse can be is because Jesus loved me enough to make me holy. He died for me.

That is the most beautiful thing. My Savior loving me so much He died for me. Him taking my punishment so justice could be satisfied and I could be free.

Beautiful.

Thank you Jesus.

The Great Beach Reach

2010-03-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

Results. It’s something that I looked for when I was reading over my journals for Beach Reach. I can’t say that I found what I was looking for. But when I stopped looking I found so much more. It’s kinda crazy how that oxymoron works.
I found that my perspective of beauty had changed. I found that I want to love the unlovable, because I learned how to stop “me” love and start letting Him love. I found that God gives potential to every person; my job is to find it, and see them with His eyes. I realized all the more how just my God is along with His love and mercy.

I read the prayers that showed how He had broken my heart. I thought back over how what I had seen before had become so much clearer to me. I saw more about how sovereign my God is. I cried for the innocent and defiled. I learned how to pray differently. I felt how much I had been hurt my own people, and how God used that hurt to bring a desire for healing.
When I went to Beach Reach I desired a new heart. I came home with just that. So in a way I did get a result. But putting all that God did—through van rides, beach sharing, pancake breakfasts and beach clean up, into the word result would be a gross understatement.

My friends, the Great I AM gave miracles, he reached out through His beloveds to touch the lives of the hurting, Trent, Edward, Sean, and Amy. Then He used them to touch my life

Like every other trip I’ve been on I walk away from this one different. I do walk away with a new heart for the innocent; I do walk away with new eyes for the unlovable. I am filled with courage to create change and waves. But no matter how much I have changed, I can still change some more. No matter how much I have shared Jesus love, I can still learn to share it more.

Beach Reach was a gift. It was painful. It was miraculous. It was beautiful. I’m thankful for the adventure. I’m thankful God wouldn’t let me get away with staying home. Because He did it—He broke my heart for what breaks His.

This is beauty.

2010-03-15T14:17:00.000-07:00

Six hundred people total. Fifty young people crying out for this island. Thirty vans picking up anyone who needs a safe ride. Being gathered together in His name.
Beauty is loving the unlovable, caring when no one else does, staying up until all hours of the night picking up trash off a beach when few might notice. Beauty is sun burnt faces, hurting feet and broken hearts all because others need Truth.
Beauty is the indescribable, boundless love of Jesus Christ.

This is an adventure

2010-03-09T18:44:00.001-08:00

I love adventure. I don't think that's a hard thing to figure out, I mean I moved overseas at 18. You kinda have to love adventure to do that. I blame my dad, he was the one who raised me like this anyway. He wanted me to be a seeker of Christ, and he wanted me to desire to bring people into the Kingdom of Heaven. Nothing really thrills me more than to be able to travel and see new things. I love meeting new people, and seeing more of the heart of Christ.

But there is something I don't like. I don't like not knowing what to expect. And basically that means I don't like to have to walk completely by faith. In two days I will be taking off on another trip. One that will have to be lived completely on faith. Yes, I have been given a run down on what will happen, I have been meeting to practice what I need to know. But I've never done anything like this--so it's scary. It's like I am starring in to a vast black tunnel and there is no light in sight. So I want to cover my eyes and just pretend that I'm in control...

Beach Reach. It's the name of a spring break ministry for South Padura Island. And in two days I will be climbing in a van and taking off to serve on this mission trip. I've heard about it, I've prayed for people who have gone on this trip before. But still, I've never done anything like this before, so I [and all my experience] don't know what to expect.

When I was in Manila, I met this little guy. He's an orphan. Hopefully he will soon be up for adoption. He was a kid who was full of life, 3 years old, but convinced that he is 15. He would act all macho, run across the room and slide on his knees to a stop in front of anyone he could impress. He would stand with his shoulders back and march like a soldier, then he would suddenly run and hang on to a black pole for dear life. He loves to cuddle, and give hugs, but it takes a little work to get him to give the first one. He reminds me of me.

It's easy to think I have it all figured out. I am a well traveled person after all. But I think that so many times God gives gifts of not knowing, or gifts of being scared to remind me that He alone is in control. My little friend in Manila is so brave when things are going his way, but really the place he loves the most is be loved on by someone who is willing to take over and lead him. I need to be that way for Beach Reach. I love it when I'm in control, but I want to love it more when I'm not in control. Because it would me I'm being cuddled close to my Jesus heart, and I don't have to do stunning moves to impress anyone.

It just takes faith to love, faith to see, faith to know God more. So my friends I'm asking for prayer. Please pray for me and my team as we head off, pray that I will have eyes to see. Pray that God will give me His heart. Pray that I will know how to love and follow the Spirt's leading. Pray that the God who is the Great I AM will come and make Himself real to these people. Pray for safety, pray for health. It's going to be a insane week. But I'm excited for the results. They will be worth it, no matter the adventure it will take to get to them.

'That Theory' part 1/2

2010-03-03T06:10:00.000-08:00

I’ve been thinking this morning about that theory I mentioned a few posts back. Well, it’s not one of those theories that can be put into a paragraph; its better title would be ‘ramblings of my heart.’

And as I’ve been thinking about it, I’ve done something that I think every Christian has done—put myself in Jesus’ parables. I like to retell the story and add details that I think would have been there on the day it took place like suspense just because I know what the end of the story is (the good guy wins). Yes, I know I have an overactive imagination, but hang in there with me, I want to share with you the way the Parable of the Good Samaritan played out in my mind. [based on Luke 10:25-37]

Hello! I’m just a normal everyday Jewish man living in the city of Jerusalem. Really, there is nothing that special about me, I work, love my family, attend synagogue, and try to follow the law and serve Jehovah God. This is just a story of one of the days in my life out of many, but one that I think you would like to hear about.

One day, early in the morning, business required me to go to Jericho; it’s not far, but a quite treacherous journey really. So I did all that must be done in the morning, from scooting my boys off to school to praying and kissing my wife. I then packed my bags, and being the forgetful me, couldn’t find my walking sandals, so I scurried around the house looking for them. Of course by then, you can imagine I’m much later than I intended, so after stopping to talk to just a few friends on my way out the gate, I was off at a canter for Jericho.

It was an uneventful trip, really, I kept an eye out for robbers, but none were around. Until, suddenly something eventful did happen. You see I was walking along when my senses came to high alert. I started looking around, slowly creeping by each rock so nothing would jump out at me. The bend in the road became my worst enemy. Fear had my pulse racing! I rounded the bend, and saw them. Buzzards. They were flying circles, and inching up to something that was lying on the side of the road. I came close and saw it was a man. Beaten, robbed and left for dead. At that moment, as the smell overwhelmed me, I covered my face, moved over as far as I could and walked right on by…..

And that was when my mind came to a screeching halt. Wait! Hold it! I know how this story ends!

I wanted to be the Samaritan. I wanted to be the one who Jesus wanted me to be. I wanted to make myself feel good. But I was the Levite. I passed by the needy, the hurting, and the lost.

So today, the deep pondering of my heart is this: What if I’m so busy trying to dissect Jesus’ teaching and figure out how to make it work in my life today that I’m missing out on what He is really saying. What if I’m “doing good” simply because I’m “not doing bad” and I’m not even recognizing that there is a desperate cry from the darkness for me—us followers of Jesus Christ—to rescue them.

I do want to make it clear that I’m not beating myself up. Soon, when I work up my courage, I’ll share what it is that I have been passing by. But, like my good friend and mentor, Christina, said, “Deep pondering is often painful, but always necessary.”

In Honor of Robin Hood and Mind-Blowing Realizations

2010-02-22T19:31:00.000-08:00

(Warning: This post ~~may~~ will include some large amounts of exaggeration)

I’ve done a very good job in my life of hiding. I like doing it actually, especially if I have help. I don’t really remember when this story took place, maybe later Jr. high. My family went to this birthday party of a good friend. The main attraction: Dad’s vs. Kids Hide and Seek.

Great I know. Hey! Stop laughing I had fun!

It took place in the backyard of the inviter’s home, and by that I mean it was probably a big enough backyard to have a battle in. No joke. This time.

This battlefield was lined with a dark forest that had snakes hanging from trees with dead branches, cobwebs and such. Real Robin Hood all right. The point of the game was to not be found, (and now you may roll your eyes and say “no duh”) because obviously, I’m not a dad, and they were the ones doing the seeking.

So to begin this adventure, the boys put on there most camouflaged outfits, grease painted their faces and grabbed their highest performing weapons: pocket knives. The girls buttoned their coats against the cold, put on hats and gloves and grabbed their pocketknives as well. What can I say, “we were all from the Texas and Oklahoma Panhandles?”

At the firing of a shotgun into the air, we took off. Across the battlefield, into the dense forest, avoiding the snakes and all that other stuff. And to be sure we weren’t found, we stayed in groups of three. I’m not sure how this would help us out since we were giggly kids who like to talk. I’m serious, most of the people at that party would rather tell a good story [or create one by getting found] than eat dinner. I did not fall into this category. I was NOT going to be found.

But not to worry! [said in my best Robin Hood voice] I had good partners in crime. My sharp shooting, built in compass, life-saving sister Sarah was there for backup and our trusty, and grossly more knowledgeable sidekick, Daniel Fagala, was pulling up the rear. With our mission titled “Become Invisible” before us, we found ourselves a fantastic hiding place. Well actually it was three hiding places.

Pulling rank I decided to hide first. So like a good mission accomplish person, I covered myself with leaves as I was lying oh so still on the ground, okay! So Sarah and Daniel were the ones covering me, but in my defense I was laying still! And I hid.

And I wasn’t found. In fact I was the only one who wasn’t found.

Sarah and Daniel came close, but not quite. I waited until after the second firing of the shotgun to come out. I won the prize for being the quietest: a burnt shriveled-up bottom-of-the-pot hotdog. Because everyone else had beat me back to the house and took all the others. But I was hungry so it was good. The end.

Well, almost. I am good at hiding. I can keep myself quiet, and away from everything and everyone when I want to. But I guess today I wondered if it is because I’m out to win a game or just because I’m scared.

Because I’m scared. I don’t want people to find me because I’m scared. Realization is a hard thing. But one thing for sure, it is mind opening.

And I wonder, how is this new realization going to help me in the future. I mean, other than becoming a super spy, I would have to maybe change a little to live this life. Who knows? God usually does something.

::Backlog:: Nepal-Kawasoti Day One

2010-02-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

January 15, 2010

To my dearest brother Caleb, and my good friend Josh,

You two are people that I spend a significant amount of time wishing I could be like. And I wished again today.

I know in a way you both know the feeling, the feeling of high because something is new—the joy in seeing people differently. That’s the feeling I have today.

It’s our first day in Kawasoti, we arrived last night and woke this morning to something new. New room, new people, new breakfast table, new coffee, new thoughts, new cold weather, new definition of time.

It’s crazy what all has gone on today. Like how cold the showers were this morning. And how weird it is to have to walk to an Internet café to be able to check Facebook—if it will even load. Sometimes it doesn’t, or there’s not electricity. Either one.

Then there are how many people I met today, and how many of them looked at me with big eyes as they sat on the floor, men on one side, women on the other, like I had something important to tell them. When the conference stared they welcomed us with so much hospitality, putting lei’s around our necks, and huge ‘winner’ nametags on our jackets. We were even given chairs to sit in. I felt so different.

That’s when it happened. That’s when I started wishing. I wished I could go up to those guys who were my age and say hi, I wished I wanted to talk to people. I wished to be the same and have to sit on the floor. I wished for the courage to just go and sit on the floor.

I will always be amazed at how you, Josh, can make someone feel like a million dollars because you care enough to give a 30 second amount of time that makes people know they have a friend in this world. I will always stand in awe of how cool it is, Caleb that you can make people feel so comfortable around you they forget 11 hours and 45 minutes and several thousands of miles separate you. And for both of you, I wish I could see people so much for who they really are, I would choose to love no matter my own fears.

So tonight when we went on a walk to this great little café and drank the best Nepali tea and I failed epically at talking to and encouraging our host, I thought of you guys. If I could pick the courage of two people in this world, I would pick yours. And if I could ask for a bigger heart I would ask for the heart you guys have.

I miss you both today.

Alana

A Theory Soon Coming

2010-02-15T10:24:00.000-08:00

I’m working on a theory.

And yes, normally people who know me well cringe when they hear that. So don’t say I didn’t warn you.

It’s something that has been on my heart for a while now, but especially since I got back from my last Asia trip. Really, my hope is that I might figure it out over the rest of my lifetime. Because it is something I don’t know if I will ever come to a conclusion on. All of that is just to say, even though I will probably be posting several writings on this subject, I by no means have it figured out.

A lot of my journal entries of late (by that I mean 2) have been starting with the greatest wondering of my heart. I wonder what it would be like to truly have Jesus’ heart, to really be able to see with His eyes, and to actually have His compassion and justice. There have been fleeting moments in my life when I know I have somehow been able to set aside my selfish nature and all those things were free to come to my heart. But like I said they were fleeting, only in the moment did I accept the grace for Jesus to fully reign.

Yet, among all my wonderings and ponderings of those times, I have stumbled upon something that bothers me.

Do I truly want to be like Jesus, or am I just trying to make Jesus like me?

You know, in my wanting those glimpses of His heart in me to be here always, do I just try to mold Him into what I would behave like?

I’ve read it many times, even memorized the words Paul wrote in Philippians 3:10: “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death.”

But I wonder. How true is that statement in my heart?

This brings me to my theory. But since this post has already become long, I will wait to put it all down. Instead I’ll just leave a quote that caused me to think when I read it this morning:

“The very scary thing about religion, to me, is that people actually believe God is who they think He is. By that I mean they have Him all figured out, mapped out, and as my pastor, Rick, says, ‘dissected and put into jars on a shelf.’ You’ve got a bunch of Catholics in Rome who think one way about God, and a bunch of Baptists in Texas who think another, and that isn’t even the beginning. It goes on and on and on like this, and it makes me wonder if God created us in His image or if we created Him in ours.”

-Donald Miller, Searching for God Knows What

::Backlog:: Nepal-First Day in Kathmandu

2010-02-07T18:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Shep,

Today is my first day in Kathmandu. My eyes have been opened. Again.

As I was riding through the city I was thinking of you. Kathmandu is a complete haze. Smoke and dirt make up the air we are breathing. When we got out of the airplane and through the airport we all shoved into this little tiny van that was suppose to sit seven. It instead had ten.

Driving through the streets I could just imagine you looking through the windows asking questions.

Why do they wear all the same clothes?

Oh I bet it would be cool to lie down and fix a car RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! Don’t you?

I like this kind of driving…good gracious when are we going to get out of this traffic jam?

How much honking can people do?!?

Did you see how close we were to that little girl? She was almost in the middle of the road!

Oh my! The dirt here is worse than in a tractor!

I could see you wanting to reach out to the people we saw today. I could see you kind heart going out to the old men who were walking along the streets with cement rocks in baskets hanging from their heads. I could see you wanting to jump out and play with the children who were laughing as the sorted trash or jumped rope. It wouldn’t matter what cast they were from.

And when we got to the church, my Nepal home in a way, you wouldn’t have waited to play with the orphans. Not even until dinner was over, and a trip into town to the Internet café was done, and money was exchanged, and a Hindu priest told “No! I don’t want you to put daisy dust on my head!” and material bought for native clothes.

Because your heart is still tender. Your compassion is still much like Jesus’. And there are more than just a few days that I wish I could see through your eyes.

I love you little Brother. You inspire me to be more like Jesus. Thank you for that.

'Lana

A Drop in the Bucket

2010-01-29T04:57:00.000-08:00

Manila’s streets never sleep. It’s a continual honking, swift driving, and random shouting outside my window. I don’t mind it one bit. I love to hear the hustle and bustle of people. Right now as I write, I’m listening to the guys from this center I’m staying at sing praises to the Lord at the top of their lungs. I do love this place.

Every time I go to a new country I get the same feeling of overwhelm. Overwhelm that there are so many people, 19 million in this case, in one place. Overwhelm at the percentage that do not know Christ. Overwhelm that no matter how hard I try, there is no way any of us could change this world.

There are just too many people, too many lives.

Like I said, I’ve gotten this feeling before. It’s one of the saddest things to realize. It’s like I’ve lost all hope of ever having all of God’s most amazing creation in heaven someday.

I think that’s why I don’t enjoy going to a new country just to tour. I can’t stand going to a resort and spending money when there are so many people for me to see, to pray for, and to meet. Yes, I’m a naturally shy person. It’s hard for me to evangelize and just randomly share the gospel. But I do want to love as much as I can, to serve with all my heart and I do want to share as much as I can with anyone I meet.

But I still feel helpless. Like the person I might lead to the Lord is too small a drop in the bucket to do any good. Maybe that’s why Jesus put so much emphasis on the little things. So in seeing the whole picture we wouldn’t lose hope.

Here in the Philippines I’ve seen the little things. In the mist of 19 million people I’ve seen God at work. Throughout my stay at the center I’ve seen the end result of much work and pain that brought about some of the most amazing young men of God. I’ve seen God at work in their hearts, still moving, still showing them His plan for their lives. I saw them work to bring their people to the Kingdom. And when I visited the orphanage today I saw it in the little one’s eyes. I saw it in the smiles of children who are being loved so tenderly while they wait for a family.

I saw the drop in the bucket.

And I had hope.

It's Eight Months till My Birthday...

2010-01-25T09:16:00.000-08:00

...Not that that matters very much just a fact.

I've been horrible at keeping this blog updated. But this trip has indeed been amazing, the God kind of amazing.

*Hopefully* over the next several weeks I will be able to update by putting up some of my journal entries. I'm really a horrible blogger.

But for now I will leave you with a few precious pictures of my time in Nepal. And soon very soon I will *hopefully* add more of Singapore and Philippines.

Which I will be leaving in 3 hours to fly to the Philippines, so maybe I should just upload the pictures and call it a night. [I also must finish packing--Imagine that Mom ;)]

And since I messed up the format and am tired I shall just leave this post like this. I'll change it later. :)

:SINGAPORE:

2010-01-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

Yep I'm [we're] having fun.

Check out the team blog for more updates than I can put here.

NepalTeam2010

Muah!

lans

Christmas Heart Matters

2009-12-24T09:18:00.000-08:00

I don’t know when it happened. When my heart got to the place of choosing not to feel anymore. I don’t even know what circumstance happened to make my heart shut down. Maybe it was the stress of this December. Maybe it was my frustration with how America acts during the holidays. Maybe it was spending time with family I don’t know all that well anymore. Maybe it was how my heart so many times was pocked and prodded, broken even, because of the pain that comes with learning to love unconditionally again. Maybe it was because I was tired of lessons that had to be learned.

I don’t think I will ever fully know the reason.

All I know is that it happened. My heart stopped feeling. It stopped wanting to live despite pain. It stopped looking for beauty.

One of my favorite parts of the Christmas story is where Mary signs up to live a life of simplicity and suffering, yet more than imaginable greatness. More blessing than she would have even hoped for. She signed up for the greatest gift the world will ever know.

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Then the angel left her. Luke 1:38

When Mary said that she knew she would have rejection for being a virgin with child. She knew that what she had planned for her life would be altered completely. She knew that pain would come her way.

But that didn’t stop her. She said yes anyway. And then she said this:

"My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for he has been mindful

of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed,

for the Mighty One has done great things for me—

holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him,

from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,

remembering to be merciful

to Abraham and his descendants forever,

even as he said to our fathers." Luke 1:46-55

Among the suffering she knew she would have to go through, she knew what God was doing in her. Through her. For her. She will be called blessed until the end of time!

This morning I realized I had done the same. When I signed up for the life I live right now I knew pain was coming. But unlike Mary who looked forward to it I let my heart stop. But because of God’s goodness, He kept after me, working to make me feel again. I don’t know when my hope started to come back.

Maybe it was when my car was stalled on the interstate an angel knocked on my window. Maybe it was when I heard “And in His Name all oppression shall cease.” Maybe it was when I let go. Maybe it was when I was sitting in that McDonalds and heard “Word of God Speak” playing loudly. Maybe it was when I laughed so hard I cried. Maybe it was when I realized only God could give me a miracle. Maybe it was when I walked into Starbucks behind security and was asked, “Can you explain this verse to me?” Maybe it was on that long flight with my sister. Maybe it was walking through Macy’s in Philadelphia. Maybe it was sitting and talking to Priscilla and sipping Roots coffee. Maybe it was when I walked out from behind security and my best friend was there to give me a hug. Maybe it was when a generous mechanic fixed my car to perfection. Maybe it was when Jesus whispered to me “Alana, my beloved, I have prepared you for this. I am here with you.”

I don’t know. But on this day before the celebration of the greatest gift coming to earth so all men could be saved, my heart has started to take flight again. He, our SAVIOR is here with us. And no matter the joy, pain, frustrations or circumstances that make our lives into interesting adventures, He is here with us!

Merry Christmas!

Of What is Coming

2009-12-22T16:18:00.000-08:00

See I said not to expect too many updates. Oh I'm trying to get better, but I haven't gotten very far :)

Over the last week and a half my life has gone insane. Well, more like it went insane and then almost straightened it's self out. But as exciting as that was, (and yes, I'm going to be writing about it, I'm just not done yet.) what is coming is so much more EXCITING!

Nepal is 17 days away! I know so many of you are praying for me, but if you would like to do more for this trip, I have an option for you. Over my time in Taiwan, my team and I collected quotes that represent memories that are hard for us to tell about in person, yet are so amazing and wonderful. Since I've been home I've compiled some of those quotes for you all to enjoy.

If any of you would like to support this trip financially you can click on this link. It will lead you to a place where you can order a copy (or more) of this book.

-alana

Of the New, Normal and Unexpected

2009-12-08T10:33:00.000-08:00

Soooo... I've made the plunge. I'm going to become a blogger (eeeekkkk) This means much patience from any friends of mine who might be reading this. You know me, long winded, random and slightly ADD.

Well, for those of you who already know: don't read this.

But for those of you who don't: After living in Taiwan for a year, then returning to the States, I am once again taking off to into the unknown. Well, not exactly, but I am going to Nepal. (this is normally where I would eekkk again, but I shall refrain since this is happy) It came about suddenly and not a moment too soon! Life is crazy busy getting ready and still trying to keep my reputation of being up to no good intact while I'm here. It has indeed been tough, but I'm doing it!

I will add more about the trip as details come, but for now I'm done.

-me